The Year In Review

 Jesus had his tragedies and triumphs rolled into an incredible 33rd year. He was 33 when he 'saved the world'. My 33rd year has been equally - well, not equally - filled with contrasts.

The original mission of the blog, was to log the 3rd attempt at the Ironman. Months later, that journey, as significant as it was, seems to have paled when put into the broader context of unravelling world events. It's been an incredibly difficult year worldwide, with the Tsunami first wiping out at least a quarter of a million people, a recent Earthquake close to a 100 000, 2 and more nervesplintering hurricanes slicing oil rigs off their moors like a lawnmower in a bed of flowers, one of them going on to effectively destroy a modern city. We've had bombs in Bali, and London, and we've had some nuclear taunting from North Korea and Iran. Worse still, we've seen how little big governments and companies care about ordinary people, in a number of situations. And as if this wasn't enough, a killer virus has begun to spread around the world. If we were wise (and we're not) each day when we wake up in the morning, and there's no news of this disease spreading, is another day to live and enjoy for all its fullness and all its freedoms. Of course, we will soon look back on day's such as this, with longing. We will think of now as 'normal', but normal was lost a long time ago, and now is just being borrowed to us, in lieu of what's coming.

George Clooney has had a tough year too, culminating with spinal fluid dripping out of his nose. In comparison, mine has been less trying. I've gained 10kg, weighing in at all time records. This alone has been a source of profound discomfort, and shame. I can see how weight gain is tied to unhappiness. It's fair to say that I have never put on this much weight, this quickly, ever.
I'm not sure if I've ever been more miserable. I'd guess that I have beem.
I think what made the misery more difficult, was that it followed the incredible triumphs, of living strong and colorfully, finding love and joy in my country amidst the whole Ironman exercise, and then returning to Korea and seeing everything I'd built up internally, externally, endure a slow collapse.

The fact that I never bothered to buy a handphone speaks volumes about my investment into the people here, and my personal investment here. From the first hours airborne I struggled and resisted this period, and although that resistance melted into acceptance, the acceptance withered finally into grim endurance.

Grim endurance is the best way to describe the Half Ironman. The extreme heat was made worse by a body almost completely untrained, and a mind that had become frail with loneliness and worry and homesickness. Neverthless, I completed the race, and that achievement can certainly be stenciled into an all time list of HARDEST THINGS I'VE EVER DONE.

The good days, in Korea, that stand out, are the Terry Fox run, the recent cycle along the Han River with David, a swim and then nocturnal walk afterwards over the hill, Rollerblading with Song in Lake Park, and today was a spontaneous and lovely day, filled with bright eyed children, a wedding, a friend, some good food and a good film. This is to say nbothing of the two weeks my girlfriend was here, and the many Friday nights all the teachers had dinner and drinks together when I first started working.

A recent trip to Buddhist temples illustrates my ambivalence best. It was not a good day, but it had elelemts of beauty and magic woven into it that perhaps...made up for some of the discomfort and alienation, and the disjointed nature of things here.

The bad days are pretty much the week days, the time spent at school, which spills into weekends and evenings and mornings. These bad experiences, these endless exposures and the desire to stave off anger have exacted a toll, and a burden, which I no longer wish to bear.
On the day we went to look for an apartment, my director threw a tantrum, and shouted some mean things to my recruiter. Afterwards my recruiter said, "This guy is not a nice guy. After 3 months, you should leave and I'll find you a better job."
I am the longest serving teacher at the school at the moment. Everyone who was there when I signed up, has left, including the secretary, and her replacement, and her replacement.
For the last 2 weeks I have been teaching without any textbooks. I've taught art, and sucked lessons and games out of my thumb. Once the new textbooks arrive, the students, who haven't studied anything consistently for two weeks, understandably are resistant to opening books and writing down notes again.

It's been easier to deal with all this because I have a girlfriend who makes me laugh (and I seem to make her laugh), and we've supported each other, and remained hopeful and positive, enjoying the knowledge that our reunion will be sooner, rather than later, and also enjoying a general openness and sharing. Just the sharing of everyday experiences.

And there has been massive progress in developing the craft of writing, and resucitating Rocketboy. I've been in touch with the key decision makers in South African business circles, including Adriaan Gie, Mark Shuttleworth (via a friend of his) and Jonathan Ackerman.

I've also produced a short 12 chapter novella, called Heaven Is In Your Heart, but I believe, most important, I have uncovered the depth of the human condition, and have traversed the spiral stairwell into the dark recesses. This has been troubling for me personally, and the negative information has had an impact.
For several weeks and months my sleeping patterns were so severely disrupted that I was bearly functional, and this of course had a cumulative effect.

I've made contact with writer's such as Kunstler, and observed the thoughts and processes that stimulate people like Simmons and Heinberg.
I've studied Chomsky more closely, and have begun to read the media not for what they say, but for they avoid saying, for their bias and deception.

I've found a more practical way of living, although it may not seem so, and it may not seem obvious.
I have two articles, one instrumental, that will see publication in November, and by early next year it's very likely that I will be editor of that publication.

Like Kunstler, I aim to set myself up in a small community, and educate the locals, and design systems that will foster meaning and survival in the increasingly difficult times that the world will be faced with.
I'm less willing to engage in 'normal' socialising, although I appreciate the balance of work and play and fun. I'd prefer my fun to be associated with a relationship or with sport, than a sort of consumptive fun, an escapist yearning, a quest for oblivion. I believe it is time to be practical about our lives, and 'sheer fun', especially continuous deception, drunkenness, debauchery and spending like there is tomorrow, does not fit with my new sense of mission.
I find it indulgent and repulsive, given the swollen and looming realities of our time. It's also foolish.
I prefer a focus on lifestyle issues such as health, and patterns of living, and education, and on changing communities through communication, and talks, and the installation of new systems and services.

I have never been here before, so everyone and each thing is up for revision at a later date.
If Peak Oil hits 5 years from now, I will have plenty of time to prepare myself and my own living arrangements. I may also convince a few groups to make some constructive changes.
If it is sooner, then at least I have found my road, wherever it leads.