I had a terrible sleep last night. I dreamt, and this is the part I remember, that I was with Fransa, driving somewhere, and then we were walking in a road and two young African guys started assualting us, mostly me, digging their hands into my pockets. I kept trying to fend them off until it became a scuffle. I woke up punching the air around me. Not nice at all.
So my whole morning was a dwaal. When I got into the bus I was still half asleep, and two stops later I inadvertently woke up and found myself locked in eye contact with an attractive Korean girl who'd just gotten on the bus. She sat immediately in front me.
If you don't make much sense of what follows, you're not alone:
I noticed, through the space between the chairs in front of me, that she was reading scribbled notes in English - with a few errors.
I immediately said to myself, "C'mon, you;re not going to say anything to her."
My evil twin responded, "Why, are you a scaredy cat?"
Do you know that feeling when your face is still under that silky spider web of sleep. Where you haven't said anything to anyone or yawned or grimaced, and your face is still technically asleep? That was me, and my mind wasn't too far behind, still trapped in a purple cloak.
Internally my heart rate was rising, so, to lessen the discomfort, I leaned forward and said, "I see you're studying English..."
"Yes."
"How is it going?
"Why?"
"Is it going well?"
"Yes, why?"
"Well....why are you studying?"
"I have an interview at an academy."
"Okay well good luck with that."
I realised when I'd gotten off the bus and was walking to school that I hadn't even smiled at her. I was just calling myself on a dare. Quite funny.
At school I decluttered my work spaces, throwing out a lot of paper, and making photocopiues on the reverse sides of paper that was no longer useful on the flip side.
At home I managed to throw out a boxload of bottles and containers and odds and end that have accumulated with the daily detritus.
I'd like to throw out more things, including things of value, but have a few more weeks to set them free.
Despite appearances to the contrary, I have tried to post a lot more today, but the new secretary basically sits in front of the school's computer. I asked her at one point if I could 'check email' but hardly got a response.
And here, at home, I have also experienced my pet hate a few times tonight. It's when you type something or work on something for an hour, and then the computer crashes or it fails to load. And it's gone. That happened a little earlier, on something really practical and affirming. It makes me really angry when you're resisting the entropy of a system, and then that act of resistence gets lost. Ironically enough, the post is all about misplaced anger. I will have to conjuure it all up again (because I feel it's important). It's midnight now, so doing that will impact on the whole of tomorrow. This is the imbedded punishment trhat forms part of a writer's work.
I will be changing the focus of this blog from now on (this is the essence of what the 'lost' post was about). I feel we need to focus on response as the threats are pretty self-evident now and are unavoidable. It's also a huge burden for me personally to wade through a great deal of news, most of which points in the same direction. Since we already know what we are about to face, let's look now towards what we can do about it.
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