The Future's Bright, The Future's Orange

NVDL: Apparently from Alan Knott-Craig (CEO of Vodacom) to his staff...

2008 has certainly started with a bang! The future was rosy on 31 December 2007, but suddenly everyone is buying candles and researching property in Perth!

A combination of recession in the USA, global equity market negativity, high interest rates, the National Credit Act and power outages have combined to create the perfect storm.

But don't panic!

This is not the first time there's been doom and gloom. Every few years the same thing happens. We experience massive economic growth, everyone is optimistic and buying Nescafe Gold, and holiday homes, and Merc's. The positivity gets ahead of itself and the economy overheats, and then panic sets in because the economy seems to be collapsing when in actual fact it's simply making an adjustment back to a reasonable level.

It happened in 1989, when SA defaulted on its international loans and the stock market and Rand crashed, it happened in 1994 when the ANC took power and everyone thought war would break out, it happened in 1998 when interest rates hit 25% and you couldn't give away your house, and it happened in 2001 when a fairly unstable guy by the name of Osama arranged for 2 Boeings to fly into the tallest buildings in New York!

On each of those occasions everyone thought it was the end of the world and that there was no light in sight. And on each occasion, believe it or not, the world did not actually end, it recovered and in fact things continued to get better.

I think 2008 will be a tough year, but I also see it as a great opportunity to seize the day whilst everyone else is whinging and get a front-seat on the inevitable boom that we'll experience in 2009, 2010 and beyond.

Make sure you make a mental note of everything that is happening now, because it will happen again and again, and if you don't recognize the symptoms you'll be suckered into the same negativity, and forget to look for the opportunities.

It's easy to be negative. Subconsciously, you WANT to be negative! Whenever you open the papers they tell you about the goriest hi-jacking and the most corrupt politicians. Why don't they dedicate more pages to the fact that Joburg is the world's biggest man-made forest, or to the corruption-free achievements of the vast majority of public officials? Because bad news sells. Good news is boring.

SA still has the best weather in world! We're lucky enough to possess a huge chunk of the world's resources, i.e.: gold, platinum, coal, iron. The growth in India and China will continue to accelerate (India and China sign 10mil new mobile customers every month), and so will their demand for our resources. The government has already embarked on massive infrastructure projects (some of them a tad late, i.e.: electricity), and this will pump money into the economy.

We are all lucky enough to be a part of the birth of a massive and all-encompassing industry. The Internet has and will continue to change the world. The enormity of its impact is up there with the wheel, electricity, TV, telephones, and possibly man's greatest ever invention, coffee. Not only does it open up an entirely untapped world of commerce, but it is also the ultimate disseminator of information and news. Apartheid would not have lasted 40 years if the Internet had existed! And you're part of it!

I'm looking forward to another year of ASA complaints, IR issues, Plug & Wireless parties, BTS roll-outs, billing runs, irate customers, happy customers, orange bubbles, faulty elevators, etc, etc. The nice stuff makes me feel good, and the challenges remind me why we can beat the competition. Most importantly I'm looking forward to having fun and making memories.

So ignore the doomsayers, install a timer on your geyser, and buy Ricoffee for a couple of months.

NVDL: Yes, it's all very positive and constructive, and at any other time I'd agree and go along with these sentiments. Except we're dealing with an overarching paradigm that is simply this: we have reached the limit to (what we thought was limitless)growth. It's absolute for as long as we are unable to solve cold fusion as a way to get lots of energy out of virtually nothing, and know how to manage/use/control it. Massive populations of human beings tied to resource limits is our current reality. We were able to reach 7 billion thanks to the magical benefits of cheap oil. With oil no longer cheaps, fewer and fewer human beings can enjoy those benefits. That's a long term, I daresay, permanent shift.

Frustration

Frustration is building up. It seems like I'm bumping against inefficiencies (or just avoiding an actual collision) by the slimmest of margins. Yesterday I avoided rear-ending a Volvo out of sheer luck, and less than the length of my pinkie. I was putting in petrol, my pump was dry, and so the Volvo having filled up, pulled away to make space. I just didn't count on the lady only moving half a metre to make space. That I didn't smash into her was sheer luck.

At work today I have basically been rooted to my chair since 11am (it is now 16:34). I didn't have lunch as I needed to get something finished. Crazy! No wonder I have a boep. It gets wedged between rattling elbows and bent knees impatiently kicking around for purchase.

Vodacom. Ag please. I cannot believe what a bunch of scallywags they are. The ambiguous information they've sent through has got me into a tiz. I think the problem is a failure to listen. They keep insisting on telling you how their systems work, without stopping to actually go: OK, unique human person with unique set of problems, what do we have here. I've finally managed to understand my issues (no thanks to them). Apparently you only get your bill 2 months down the line. Their saying I would be getting an additional bill was an ambiguous statement blah blah blah. Also crazy the lengths to get itemised billing. You call, you visit the store, you get an sms (no fax comes through), you email copies of ID etc, then get a bill but not itemised, then you get the itemised bill but for the wrong period.

I've had the same frustration with my tax number. Filled in forms, gave them to someone. Faxed forms, called the toll free number - forms have disappeared. Repeat. Scan documents. Email them. They come back because SARS server does not accept attachments larger than 2BM. Resize. Computer says document is 1.79MB. Resend. Is sent back again. R2000 owed from another company has now been delayed for 2 months is it. Simply because documents aren't reaching their recipients. They're sent, just that the other end is blocked.

I still feel like I'm recovering from the frustration of training a shitload for SA champs and having Free State Cycling and CSA slam the door in my face, and throwing a rulebook at me while they were at it. Meanwhile, SA's star rider made exactly the same blapse as me, failing to register in time, and they did exactly what I accused them of not doing: being human beings and putting sport first, not fineprint.

It's these frustrations that make me wonder whether I need to continue pursue writing. I feel like I am being bombarded and bogged down in details, especially frustrating minutiae. So I never get on with what I'm trying to actually achieve. With the cycling example, having been prevented from riding, I raged against the machine, and all I really achieved was lengthy periods not training and putting on weight. I can't really be blamed for that - what is the point of training for an event, only to arrive and have officials fuck you around. Pardon my french but the language is entirely deserved.

In the end though, frustration can only be soothed by not serving it. By forgetting about it completely. There was one thing I also wanted to say, and I hope you don't mind if I spend another hour or so ranting on this particular subject. It starts...er... Sorry, I've forgotten what i was upset about ;-)

Vodacom Ad Idea (Part II)

Hi Nick

Thanks for your passion and great idea! It is most appreciated. As far as I know, Vodacom have no plans to extend the bushmen campaign at this stage, but I have copied your mail to HN who heads up the Vodacom business at Draftfcb.

H can you please confirm>?

Regards
J
JD Managing Director

DRAFTFCB

Here's the idea again:

The camera lifts over a chugging generator, following the electric cable to the back of a flat screen TV, lifts over it... A bunch of Bushmen are sitting in the sand, watching the world cup final.(Don't ask me how it got there, I mean, it's like how did the rugby ball get there...?)

It's the scene where Toby Flood pushes Percy. Just before he Bok-springs over the advertising board, the ball TUNKS him on the head. Remember?

Cut to the Bushmen laughing. The one who suffered the original injury picks up the ball, and demonstrates, 'KOK KWAH'

Scene cuts to the Boks raising Mbeki on their shoulders, Bushmen raise their arms, cheering and laughing, showing Bok horns and starting to dance in the sun-filled late afternoon dust.

This also fits in line, I feel, with the idea that both the Boks, and Vodacom have spread the feel good factor to each and every corner of South Africa.

Jump Into South Africa's Service Sector Nightmare (The Water Is Warm)

The greatest supporter or South African supporters hasn't been very supportive of late. In fact South Africa's leading cellular provider appears to have lost the plot, and now, so have I.

Just more than a week ago I defaulted on a debit payment, entirely my mistake, but an innocent mistake. I really didn't expect my phone bill to be over R1500, but I get so many Please Call Me's that attempts to cut down on this obscene amount have so far failed.

Two Reasons

So the reason why the debit order defaulted was twofold: I underestimated how much I love my girlfriend, and I'm in the habit of wiring most of the target account's money to put out fires in other accounts, including AX credit cards.

So when I received the first ominous SMS's from Vodacom, I thought they would provide the same solution that Mutual and Federal offered me once upon a time. They give you a two week period of grace, and then pull off the original, outstanding amount in a second debit attempt. Makes sense eh?

So I call the number on my cellphone and have a long chat to the gentlemen, who says yes, it's fine if I agree for this month's account to go off with the next month's. Great. Great service. Thanks.

Service Suspended

Two days after this call my service is suspended, meaning I cannot make calls, send sms or anything else. This means I can't even call Vodacom from my phone is ask: "WTF?"
This is probably less than a week since my original default. And KOO KOO, this is also the first default in the history of my 16 month contract. Jeepers man!

The next day the real nightmare begins. I call a number, and then am quickly told to dial another number. This is a call centre; and once upon a time I worked at call centres. This is called passing the buck. Each person jumps into my nightmare, because the water is warm.

Escalation

Initially, pretending I'm chilling in the jacuzzi with my peeps, I patiently retell the same story and then I am told I'm in the wrong department, can I call back to another number. Then I start getting contradictory messages. I mean c'mon, who wants to be doing THAT in your jacuzzi?

After spending another R1500 (not on a weekend in Dullstroom)on holding and communicating fruitlessly to unsure, rude and abrupt call centre people, I finally ask the fifth person - who says I should go to a Vodashop to sort this out - if I can speak to her supervisor. I ask not to be put on hold and am then disconnected. It's time for a very short, very intense, very cleansing, cry.
Over the weekend, I take a nice relaxing drive to a Vodashop. This is a wonderful venue to unwind after working all week. The fellow in the shop helpfully provides me with a list of numbers to call.

Couldn't Care Less

It's interesting isn't it? You suspend someone's service, then design a maze filled with a plethora of uninformed people. When you suggest cancelling your contract altogether, they smugly say: "That's something we can arrange for you." Thank you!

It's difficult to match the image of 'leading cellular network' and 'greatest supporter of South African supporters' with person after person who seems to lack basic knowledge of their own product, and worse, really can't seem to care any less than they do. KOH KWAH!

A General Malaise in the Service Sector?

Is it Vodacom's fault or is this the sort of promising service we can expect from South Africans working for service providers?

A chap from Virgin Active called at the end of October, and I arranged with him to email me. He must be dead; he never did. Having returned fairly recently to South Africa, I've applied for a tax number from SARS. Assurance that this would be sent to me. Another tax person murdered?

Alexander Forbes: I handed personal documents including ID number, bank statements and the rest to a deaf young man who promotes a Medical Health scheme at my company, asking him to hand deliver these. Why? Identity theft has struck a colleague in our office in the last month. I didn't want the same risk, so I asked for this precaution.

One day later I received a call: 'We've been faxed a whole bunch of documents that are lying here. Do they belong to you?' THANK YOU!

A company that owes me R8000 has been in default for 18 months, yet my attorneys say they cannot be forced to pay me because the assets of the company are in the name of another, so effectively the Trust I'm suing is a 'Straw Man'. WONDERFUL!

When you add all of this up it starts to make one feel a little bit sick. I begin to feel agrophobia...a fear of walking out the door in the morning. Which person is going to promise me something then disappear in mysterious circumstances?

Why?

Why indeed? Is it just bad luck, bad karma? God maybe putting his foot down?I think the answer is that many 'useless people' are in jobs everywhere, and I think the reason they are useless is they see a phone call, or an instruction, as an irritation. So you could say:
"You complete me," or: "You irritate me."

Making My Day, Punk

Day to day, the mob go to work disconnected and unhappy. They don't understand work ethic, they're not pursuing personal goals (just someone elses)they have no goals of their own, but they're motivated by immediate gratification.

They'll tell you they'd rather be doing something else (they're not sure what, but they can be relied on doing the next thing just as badly).
These desk slouchers and corridor layabouts are all about time wasting, and finishing work early so as to watch Idols and chow something at McDonalds.

The world isn't real to them, it's just a sort of robotic dance through the week, junk food and movies on weekends. Then there's the moAning and whining afterwards, and the blame game. YOU WIN!

The useless lot who live these lives of quiet purposelessness, who become increasingly lazy with the few details entrusted to them, who see their jobs as 'a waste of time' have no motivation to be involved enough so as to not waste other people's time. Why should they, they are wasting their own time working in jobs that have no meaning for them.

Soup of the Day

This Lose/Lose mentality benefits no one, except, perhaps, Satan. What it does is extremely harmful. It inculcates a lack of trust in others, an overall lack of urgency, and worst of all, could lead to nuclear holocaust.

But entropy is the soup of the day, every day, and some languish in it, especially when it appears to be chicken soup (for the soul!).

People in general and South Africans in particular need to learn to be able to trust one another, in the streets ("Hi, I'll be your hijacker today")and when it comes do doing the job. But trust is earned, and I suppose it starts with being trustworthy oneself. Put that down.
It's too bad. I don't see that happening. But on the bright side, my cellphone bill for November ought to be R300 or less. Thanks Vodacom, you rock!

New Vodacom Ad (IDEA)

So you've seen the ad where Schalk Burger misses the ball, it flies out the door and KOK KWAS on a Bushman's head? (Actually it just makes a fairly soft 'doep!')

So here's a follow up ad.

The camera lifts over a chugging generator, following the electric cable to the back of a flat screen TV, lifts over it... A bunch of Bushmen are sitting in the sand, watching the world cup final.(Don't ask me how it got there, I mean, it's like how did the rugby ball get there...?)

It's the scene where Toby Flood pushes Percy. Just before he Bok-springs over the advertising board, the ball TUNKS him on the head. Remember?

Cut to the Bushmen laughing. The one who suffered the original injury picks up the ball, and demonstrates, 'KOK KWAH'

Scene cuts to the Boks raising Mbeki on their shoulders, Bushmen raise their arms, cheering and laughing, showing Bok horns and starting to dance in the sun-filled late afternoon dust.

Go here for more background.

Vodacom Rugby Ad
Agency: FCB Johannesburg

Background: This television commercial is loosely based on the plot of one of the original South African comedies, Jamie Uys' ‘The Gods Must Be Crazy' and features, in various musical guises, the classic Afrikaans folk tune, ‘Ver in die ou Kalahari'. It was flighted for the first time during the test match against Samoa. The commercial opens on a light aircraft flying over the Kalahari. In it, are three Springboks - Breyten Paulse, Chiliboy Ralepelle and a fast asleep Schalk Burger, who wakes abruptly to fumble the rugby ball that Paulse tosses at him. The ball falls through the window to earth where it lands on a bushman's head.

Craig: "Another charming ad to go into the Vodacom stable of likeable ads. But I think this one I will remember for is subtle feel good factor which I think people look for now days. I think the thing to remember about Vodacom ads is that the majority of people out there like them. That is what counts.

Mixed reactions to rugby ads

Adding Appeal Through SA 'Pop Culture' Icons

A Media Marriage Made In Heaven

Is Telkom unbunbling itself in a move to ultimately transform itself in a Media company. Is a giant rival on the cards to rival the Naspers Multichoice Juggernaut? Maybe!

Imagine this: a streamlined shell of Telkom with pockets bulging with R100 billion in cash. That's how much they would get having shed their fixed line and 50% stake in Vodacom.

And then?

Well, perhaps Johncom - who are already streamlining their own portfolio - and Caxtons and why not throw in eTV (with their Warner Alliance) for a 'deal of the century'. And voila: TJC Communications (Telkom, Johnnic + Caxton).

Stranger things have happened, and the ball is in play.