Man searches for father his whole life;finds out dad is Charles Manson

He sends me weird stuff and always signs it with his swastika. At first I was stunned and depressed. I wasn't able to speak for a day. I remember not being able to eat.'

But Matthew added: 'He's my biological father - I can't help but have some kind of emotional connection. That's the hardest thing of all - feeling love for a monster who raped my mother.

'I don't want to love him, but I don't want to hate him either.'

SHOOT: Maybe some things we're better off not knowing. Not many, but some.

clipped from www.dailymail.co.uk After being given up for adoption at birth, Matthew Roberts had dreamed about the identity of his parents since he was a small child. But his decision to trace his family led to a shocking discovery - his father was cult leader Charles Manson, one of the most notorious serial killers in the world. Now the 41-year-old DJ from Los Angeles in California has been left to come to terms with the fact he is a product of a rape carried out by the man held responsible for inspiring his followers to commit nine gruesome murders. 'I didn't want to believe it,' said Matthew. 'I was frightened and angry. It's like finding out that Adolf Hitler is your father. 'I'm a peaceful person - trapped in the face of a monster.' 'I'm not nuts but I've got a little bit of it, said Matthew. 'It's scary and upsetting. If I get worked up, my eyes get really big and that's really freaked some people out before.