Homophobic?

Just how homosexual are you?

Homophobes in progressive society lose a lot of points. But we are still far from being a society where friends can come out willy nilly (er...) and be openly who they feel they want to be, in fact who they feel they are. Some of us are still asked to keep secrets as though the risk of coming out were still far too big a gamble to bear. Homophobia clearly continues to infect modern society. Why is this so when even our constitution supports protection and acceptance for minorities?

Cue the new cool. The metrosexual. Is metrosexuality compatible with homophobia? No. A metrosexual is someone, a man, who grooms himself about as much as a woman does. This is really a creature who openly cares for himself and is sensitive to others. Is it real though, or do metrosexuals just pretend to be having this apparently avant garde approach to each other and the world?

Is their psychology ever really tested? Now I imagine that if you are a metrosexual you’ve got to have a general acceptance about other people, because you obviously are confident and in tune with yourself, and that includes, of course, your sense of your own sexuality.

So Mr Metrosexual, I have this question for you. Did you know that after midnight every Friday and Saturday night eTV flights the same soft-core formula ad infinitum (and the smutty ad breaks do go on and on)? Your ability to answer this question honestly (perhaps with some cogent afterthoughts) will already say a lot about how little or how much you’re repressing your sexuality, and how congruent you are with, well, you.

The link between metrosexuals and homosexuals is also more obvious than it may seem: homosexuals share exactly the trait of grooming themselves to perfection, being perceptive and being hypersensitive to the perceptions of others as they try to manifest themselves in the minefield of mindgames that society can sometimes be.

I raise the profile of the metrosexual as it is the modern epitome of the progressive man in western society. In touch with his feminine side, a real man, but also a sensitive and perceptive man. The metrosexual man must be those things to function effectively in a world that now demands attention to details and multitasking and excellent communication skills (including written) as a matter of course. All these skills happen to be also uppermost in the arsenal of the wiliest and most charming women we know.

So as a way to test your compatibility with the metrosexual profile, and to gauge your incompatibility (your homophobia score), let’s return to the eTV analogy for just a moment. The soft-core formula mentioned above usually involves a series of repeated heterosexual trysts, swapping out a blonde for a brunette etc. Often the men involved are extremely passive losers who, in the real world, would find it tougher to get as lucky as they do on TV.

Many of these soft-core actors though, incidentally, also appear to have trouble merely communicating, never mind coming to terms with ordinary grooming, such as shaving their faces, brushing their hair or popping zits. So either what we’re watching is unacceptably dated material (can that ever be said of pornography?), or men will never change. And so we get to the last third of these episodes, the straight sex theme is gently and gradually replaced with some voyeurism and then by girl on girl twosomes, and finally the kicker: our hero with two women, probably blonde and brunette. Any surprises there?

If you’re a guy watching one of these episodes with your girlfriend on hand (so to speak), you might begin to see how skewed the sexuality in these programs really is. If you’ve noticed this ages ago, kudos to you. Yes, it’s designed exclusively for male tastes. Thus plenty of female nudity and female homosexuality, with gay sex absolutely verboten. Is this because the number of gay viewers is negligible? If this were true, we wouldn’t see any girl on girl sex, because surely there are similar fractions of the population that are female and homosexual to those male and homosexual.

So the question is, are most men homophobic only when it comes to male homosexuality? What about women? The female friends I have seem to have a patented approach to female homosexuality: they tacitly endorse it because they know that way they endorse our appreciation of women, and it makes them by implication a lot more exciting and attractive. They know this, and we know they know, and they know, we know they know.

But imagine an opposite scenario: it’s late on Saturday night and your girlfriend is glued to the screen, watching increasingly suggestive antics with numerous men, and men only, along with one lucky lady who only shows off her rounded shoulders, bum cheeks and coiffed hair (you seldom even see her face!) Some women I’ve spoken to say they find the idea of two men together erotic. It makes one wonder if the sexes truly reflect one another in this aspect, of being fascinated with homosexuality in the opposite sex.

But is this really appreciation (acceptance if you like) of homosexuality or is it the enjoyment of the pretense of it? A distinction must be made: often homosexual sex is portrayed as sexual activity between two people of the same sex who would, all things being equal, rather be someone of the opposite sex, but, being frustrated and in sexual overdrive, pursue satisfaction anyway.

Remember someone who is homosexual is really not interested in people of the opposite sex. Like Hillary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry. Sex with a man when you’re a ‘real’ lesbian feels like rape or sodomy, although society would seldom take that view, or even consider it. I found the scene in that flick a tragic reflection of how disconnected the average person is to the sexuality of others. There’s an unstated popular belief that all homosexuals are just going through a phase.

It’s not the intention here to bring in any religious angle, except just to touch on the parallel pretense the NG church make on homosexuality. At a recent conference it was decided that homosexuality is fine as long as you don’t participate in any homosexual behavior. (Sound of throat clearing)

So a few things to think about. I am all for a world where people should be free to be who they truly feel they are, in terms of the affirmation of the best and truest of one’s nature. So if you’re a schizophrenic child killer, sorry, you’re not invited to bring out your inner nature, since it’s unlikely to be the you you really should be wanting to be. So that’s a crucial distinction.

Why it’s important to have more acceptance in the world is so that people who are homosexual can be homosexual, without feeling forced into sham marriages and all the rest. It’s the subterfuge in homosexuality that creates so much pain and regret - for heterosexuals also - when the truth emerges.

The second point I’d like to throw out there, especially forl those who just can’t find themselves ever tolerating homosexuality: if you have ever masturbated it means you have had homosexual sex. You, being the sex you are, have stimulated yourself in exactly the same way someone else of the same sex would have. Awkwardness towards others always reflects a lack of self acceptance.