Over the weekend I was sitting at Nino's, the only male at an all female table. It was a pleasant day, birds singing and all that. One of the ladies present was an astute and elderly mother-in-law, and another, an attractive mother. She was applying sunblock to the faces of her children, and in doing so, she was bending over slightly, exposing, well...you know.
I notice this, of course, in peripheral vision and decide to focus on the strips of bacon on my plate instead. The strips of bacon in my plate. Yes. The strips of bacon in my plate. Yes, and there's a fragment of egg. And..
A young voice says softly something about "Mommy".
Distracted from the rivetting bacon on my plate, I begin to glance along the tablecloth, thoughts starting to whizz through the chemical substrate of my brain.
Then a rather mischevous thought passes through my (no doubt) male mind. So, acting on my internalised decision, as she begins to stoop to apply sunblock to the next child, right beside me, I make (what appears to be) a cursory glance(but is actually a calculated, pin-point accurate on target LOOK) through Swanlake (with breasts playing the role of snowy white ballet dancers graciously wobbling about between silky curtains).
After a full two seconds I painfully withdraw my gaze from the depths of Safe and Soft Happy Valley Land, and glance STRAIGHT INTO THE PIERCING GAZE OF THE MOTHER IN LAW.
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