Clowning glory
The ANC ascension is looming. Here is our list of political protagonists
We’re supposed to be a democracy, but the “Succession Debate” is coming across as an intricate palace intrigue. Our rulers are meant to enact the will of the people, expressed in a free and fair election.
But “Who will take the crown and wear the mantle of power?” is the question on everyone’s lips, which is weird, because nobody in this country wears a crown . Political fundis assure me that the following list is an accurate reflection of the power struggles at play, so I’m going to rank these candidates as if they were superheroes.
THABO MBEKI
He sees himself as a Gandhi figure, as played by Ben Kingsley — wise and noble, or like Charlton Heston’s Moses in Cecil B De Mille’s The Ten Commandments.
He’s big on oratory and gesture, but not given to decisive action. For example: he’s done nothing about his people’s worshipping the “golden calf”. Mbeki should remember that in both the film and the book , Moses never made it to the Promised Land. It was that cute John Derek, playing Joshua, who got the girl, the tribe’s loyalty and top billing in the sequel.
JACOB ZUMA
Remember Jack Nicholson as the Joker in Burton’s Batman revival? That’s the role La Zuma has perfected: always jovial, a broad smile masking his roiling sense of outrage and betrayal by comrades. He’s determined to restore his credibility and hopes to joke and sing his way to the top , so conveniently located next to the banks s, which always make the “top” such a nice neighbourhood to live in.
TOKYO SEXWALE
He’s Bruce Wayne, the urbane millionaire who enjoys public celebrity, but leads a double life. In a fiscal Batcave, he keeps his Batsuit and Batmobile ready for the people’s anxious call for help, by projecting his symbol onto our dark, ominous clouds . “The Dark Knight” does good deeds, but he’s an enigma, which always sits oddly with voters, who dislike politicians with an alter-ego.
NKOSAZANA DLAMINI-ZUMA
Are you kidding me? Since 1652, through Dutch, British and assorted religious dictatorships, and the ANC Revolution, women seldom figure in the power-core of this nation. They say, “Strike the woman and you strike a rock”. We know that a number of women are repeatedly struck in the most brutal way in this country, but the political pedestals offered them are mostly made of sand. Ask Winnie. This “other” Zuma is great at photo-ops, but how many people in the street could identify her face from a photograph?
MUSIUOA LEKOTA
Remember Zorro, the amiable landowner and companion of the corrupt ruling classes, who secretly despised them? Clothed in a black mask and a billowing cloak, brandishing a sword of justice, he cut through the crap and unmasked the villains in his fight for decency and social order.
“Terror” Lekota has the struggle credentials, and he’s done the legwork in committees for long enough to know where all the bodies are buried. I suspect he keeps a well-honed rapier just out of sight, so the fat- cats had better watch out. That nickname might not be just about his soccer skills.
CYRIL RAMAPHOSA
There’s only one real candidate for a political “Superman”, and that’s Cyril Ramaphosa. His affable, untainted public image and his intelligent grasp of situations suggest that beneath this mild-mannered tycoon’s sensible suit lurks a Man of Steel.
Like Superman, he left his home planet, ANC, to live on the strange planet of Capitalism. Like Superman, he also has an arch-enemy, a Lex Luthor lookalike, who is bald, laughs a lot and likes the ladies (ring a bell?), but it’ll take more than Kryptonite (aka ANC back- stabbing) to take him out of the race.
KGALEMA MOTLANTHE
I see him as Dr Xavier in X-Men, the founder and headmaster of the college for youngsters with unusual gifts. He is self-effacing and tends to lead from behind. He’s intensely ambitious and would rather compromise than win by force. He relies on the loyalty of the team, and that makes him vulnerable, but don’t underestimate him. X-Men buffs all know that Dr Xavier died and was resurrected two issues later, and that’s a political trick the public love to see.
From the Sunday Times Magazine, Spit 'n Polish, by Barry Ronge.
NVDL: Superman or Batman are our best bets (as crime fighters and as astute okes). Zorro wouldb't be a bad choice either. If the Joker or the Ghandi stand-in manage to get a leading role in government, we're screwed.
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