University Romances: Can They Survive The Long Term?

From www.bbc.com

Life after university requires re-adjustmentLove had blossomed between Prince William and Kate Middleton at St Andrews but then floundered a few years later. It's a typical story for many graduates. Why?

Although a relationship involving a future king of England makes the circumstances extraordinary and unique, there is one dimension that millions of people can relate to.
The reality check that awaits graduates as they leave the cloistered surroundings of university can as easily apply to the love life as the career.

Relationships that appeared rock-solid for one, two or even three years undergo a stern examination when the lecture hall is replaced by the workplace.
Amy Jenkins, creator of This Life, which for many BBC viewers characterised post-university life, believes the odds are stacked against such romances surviving.

"You're probably too young to settle if you met at university," she says. "You haven't found yourself then and don't know what you're going to do, necessarily. Your most important relationship is with yourself."

She had been horrified to learn some time ago that Prince William and Kate Middleton could get married.


The kind of man I would have picked at university is very different from the man I ended up with...

"It's the last bit of growing up and some people manage to do that in a relationship but it's difficult. In most cases it's much too soon because if you're not careful you start to define yourself in reaction to the other person rather than just defining yourself."

Being single in your 20s is important because it's a time when, without parental support, you can think about what job to have, what person you are and what life you want, says Ms Jenkins.
"The kind of man I would have picked at university is very different from the man I ended up with. If I had met someone who wanted to have a family I would have wanted to break out in my 30s to become the writer I've become."

Crisis point

University provides a cocooned existence which acts as a safety net, says Glenn Wilson, a psychologist at King's College London.
"It's like a shipboard romance, isolated from the real world and its additional stresses, so when people emerge they begin to meet new people and go separate ways. The world changes around them and that might well be what has happened in this instance."

Happier times... but were the odds stacked against it?
People may feel if they get hitched irrevocably at the end of university they are going to miss out on testing a lot of new waters and fresh fields, he says, which can prompt a point of crisis or re-evaluation.

There are points in favour of a university romance lasting. Relationships which are built on common ground, including intellectual similarities, have a better chance of lasting than those that cross all kinds of divides, he says.

But women are seen as more attractive at a younger age than men, and males with a strong social standing often pick a more youthful female partner.
"It's good they both have a university background but it might be that William's eventual partner is going through university now, five years later," says Mr Wilson.

"The wanderlust in males takes a bit more cooling to settle than it does for females who are looking for bonds and love from an earlier age."