I just got an email today from Larissa, a friend I know in the advertising industry. She works for Adtalent. It sounds weird calling her that because we really just met during an interview and after I botched the job interview (which she thought was a sure thing) we've stayed in contact, most of which has been over email. Anyway, she says she's getting married.
I tried to post this graphic earlier this morning, before I even received her email, because there was an Associated Press article on Yahoo this morning (gone now) covering the trend in the USA, where people are increasingly delaying marriage, and the number of unmarried 30-something men and women is starting to grow rapidly.
I can safely say that if I had married earlier my stress levels would have gone through the roof, just because you have to earn so much to support not only yourself, but children, and pay off a house. This is not the full story though. I reckon I am more sensitive than most to the Gold Digger Brand of women, and if I get a whiff of that, well, that vapour trail in the sky, that's me making my getaway.
The environment today, in terms of work, and materialism, provides a few extra challenges to people (beyong mere compatibility) who mean to be together for any length of time.
Some people, a few, are able to adapt and grow and thrive, with a little luck, with some blessings from above. Some need a bit more time to get their ducks in a row. No Noddy badges for guessing which category I fall into.
I actually am not averse to maintaining my lifestyle, pretty much as is, for the next 3-5 years. I feel by then my independence, especially financial, will be virtually unshakeable. Emotionally though, I feel it is healthier for me to be in a relationship, than out of one. I just feel a committed relationship provides consistent support and protection from the thorns that invariably lie on the path. It can be a more meaningful existence, when you are sharing your life with someone. A relationship keeps you safe, keeps you healthy, keeps you going in the right direction, and can actually give more than it takes. Obviously it can do the opposite if you, or the other person, has entered into it for the wrong reasons.
Not being in a relationship also has its advantages, besides lack of restrictions. It can also allow you to develop a pattern, for example in training or in work, and develop an effective approach to working habits too. The question is simplyh this: is it easier to develop these patterns over the long term (ie in a sustainable way) with or without a partner? And whatever the answer is, a time comes when you say, heck, I want to share my joys and sadnesses, I want to wake up on Sunday morning with someone who cares for me.
I do worry about the freedoms that need to be sacrificed when you're in a serious relationship. Things like where you choose to live, and what you can afford, and the sort of job you can afford to finish or start. I think a good attitude to have when considering marriage is this one, from Virginia Woolf: To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves.
The key point is just that it is taking longer and longer to be able to afford the lifestyle we want today. In some ways getting married may mean some things become more affordable, like holidays (if you're pooling resources), buying a family car. Other things, especially huge medical bills and kiddies school fees, may not seem like a such a bargain.
Ironman is part of my lifestyle nat the moment. It requires overseas trips, expensive equipment and other resources. If I get married will I have to give it up? I wouldn't want to do that...
In order to balance it all, it takes time, it takes time to save, time also to reap.
I respect what marriage is all about and I intend to get married only once I have moved very close to an ideal partner and situation for the two of us. It's something I am not impatient to do though. I know myself, and I know the benefits the last few years have had on understanding myself, establishing some kind of identity, knowing how I work and what my needs are. And I know a few more years won't do any harm. I see marriage as desireable, but not essential. It's like a dessert after a nice meal. I'd like my marriage to be something that I enjoy, not something I have to have to sustain me.
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