Bullard on growing up, his earliest memory, his next book, and ‘God is not Great’ (INTERVIEW 6)

RP:Where did you grow up?

Bullard: London. Yeah I was born in Londin, I grew up basically in London…
NVDL: What part of London?
Bullard: [Speaking in a cockney Michael Caine accent] South London, just south of the Thames; place called Sutton. Sutton Surrey.
[Laughter]
Bullard: What was then known as the commuter/stockbroker belt. Because a lot of stockbrokers [and] commuters lived there. It was about 12 miles away from central London. So I was born there, grew up there, went to school in Sussex, and then moved up to London and sort’ve started working there. You know, flats around some of the swankier areas when it was affordable.
NVDL: Did you ever see Diana?
Bullard: I didn’t. I didn’t. I did keep inviting her to parties but she NEVER turned up.
[Laughter]
Bullard: But I did play cricket with [garbled] her brother.

RP: What’s your earliest memory?

Bullard: Earliest memory?
RP: I hope not fighting with any kids at school!
Bullard: I think, I think oddly enough my earliest memory is probably riding in a car, a model car, in a roundabout, on a family holiday. I’ve even got a photograph of it.
Sort’ve, you know, getting into this car… …and going round and round on this carousel. So that was early stages of motoring enthusiasm there.
RP: Yeah [Laughs]
Bullard: Fortunately I couldn’t drive the car off the carousel, it just went round and round and round. So it was a family holiday; so I think I was about 6 or 7.

NVDL: Tell us about your book.

Bullard: Richard Branson appears on the cover of my book, in cartoon form, but so does Jacob Zuma; but I appear bigger than both of them, because it’d my book. [In an American accent]: Why the hell not.
[Laughter]
Bullard: It had advanced sales of four and a half thousand.
NVDL: How many books have you written so far?
Bullard: [Garbled] three. This one is the third. The first one was a compilation of the Out to Lunch column, Jonathan Ball; the second was Out To Lunch Again which wasn’t very well marketed, and this one is with Pan MacMillan and they’ve done it with [garbled] more excitement. And they’ve got a bit more [vim] going. But you know it’s one of those books you want to sell by Christmas, because people want to buy it for their Christmas stocking. But they do sell it at the airport after that; you get little royalty cheques dribbling in. But it’s really got to hit the Christmas stocking market.
RP: So it’s not launched yet?
Bullard: No, it is. Actually it came out – it is printed now – and is being launched next week [currently last week], and I’m going to the launch on Wednesday in Cape Town; staying at the Mount Nelson. Then doing something at Kalk Bay Books. There about ten launches. Jenny Cryws Williams – for her book club – we’ll do something on November 18th. It should be good. It’s on ‘Publisher’s Choice’ which is a good thing, with Exclusive Books, so it’ll be prominent. And then it will fade away.

NVDL: Is it divided into politics…?

Bullard: Nah it’s just literally, chronologically [the column] over the last two years.
NVDL: All the articles.
Bullard: Yeah. It’s the weekly column. But the nice thing is when you follow it through, because you don’t need any sort of explanation as to what’s happening, it’s quite clear in the articles. But if you follow through from number one, I think written in 1994, and I think the first article in the book is 1995 or 1996, you actually follow through what was happening in the country. You know, your emotional high points and low points, and the gossip, and it’s very interesting going back. You see so and so was arrested for that. That was 1998. God Lord he still hasn’t gone to jail. And the articles – and obviously I would say that this – but they do bear reading again. You can sit down and read a few articles, have a chuckle and it’s quite a good read. And if I add my signature to the book [he adds with a wry smile] it adds about another hundred rand to the value, even more.
RP: Well when I buy the book I’m going to ask you to sign it. When is the official launch.
Bullard: On the 10th (of October), two days ago. But it’ll be in the bookshops probably from the middle of next week.
RP: What would the retail price be?
Bullard: About 120.

RP: What book are you reading right now?

Bullard: I’m reading ‘God is not Great’, by Christopher Hitchens.
RP: is that your favorite author or-
Bullard: [Exclaiming] No, Hitchens writes for Vanity Fair; writes very very well. I tend to read a lot of magazines. I read books at Christmas time because I have more time to do it. And it takes me about two weeks to read a book during the year.
NVDL: Didn’t he also write something about religion being poisonous? I remember reading-
Bullard: Yes, yes. I think he’s written another book as well. Richard Dawkins wrote the book uh-
NVDL: The God Delusion.
Bullard: The God Delusion.
NVDL: Did you read that?
Bullard: I did. Yeah. And then Hitchens wrote ‘God is not Great’ and he’s been promoting that recently, and it’s a very interesting book. It’s obviously going to upset a lot of people-
NVDL and RP: [Chuckling]
Bullard: But I actually quite like that style of writing. And it makes you think. And it’d quite good to have your views or…beliefs…challenged. And he’s intellectual. It’s well written. But otherwise: novels. Trashy novels when they come out, and classics. I reread people like PG Woodhouse, who I still think is the best, one of the best comedy writers…
NVDL: Have you heard about Doris Lessing?
Bullard: Yeah. And Evelyn Waugh, and…
NVDL: Virginia Woolf?
Bullard: [Absent mindedly repeating…] Virgina Woolf…[Pauses]. Not really.
NVDL: It’s more feminist.
Bullard: Not really; it didn’t really work for me.
NVDL: I’ve also struggled to read…because she’s so important I’ve tried to read her.
Bullard: I know this sounds terrible but I actually do really enjoy reading Shakespeare’s plays. Every so often. Because I think there’s tremendous wisdom in those…
RP: Although I wouldn’t read it now, I really enjoyed it at school.
Bullard: I’ve got a nice leather bound volume now, which I found at a second hand bookstore. You sit down and read Hamlet or…
NVDL: What’s your favorite Shakespeare play?
Bullard: I like the tragedies. I’ve been in quite a few Shakespeare plays; in fact I was in Hamlet at the Civic theatre before-
NVDL: Were you Hamlet?
Bullard: I was Laertes. I was banished on page 19-
[Laughter]
Bullard: I came back on page 70 for a swordfight. But I was a very convincing Laertes. And it was in 1987 at the Civic Theatre. Freezing cold; during June. Two week run. And I’ve got photographs of me in tights, um, on the battlements…having a swordfight with a guy called Cole Cameron.
RP: I think we need those photos.
NVDL: Ja I think we need the car photo and this one.
Bullard: Frightening. Frightening.
RP: Maybe [people will] see the other side of you.
NVDL: [Holding up both hands] David Bullard: A Retrospective.
Bullard: What you didn’t know. Actually, what you didn’t know is-

This interview continues next week under the title:
Bullard: Behind the Scenes With Helen Mirren (And Other Stories)
For other interviews click on the following tag below: The Bullard Tapes

Bullard: Selling Cars, Load Shedding, Illegal Speeding and 4 km Rat Runs (INTERVIEW 4)

“In Africa you win votes by driving something big and shiny.”

NVDL: What do you drive?
Bullard: [Laughs] I’m driving whatever they give me. At the moment I’m driving an 18 year old Toyota Hilux bakkie, which I own, because I’m trying to sell a Mazda MX5.
NVDL: They have that beautiful bubble shape don’t they, hey?
Bullard: The Mazda? Yeah. I’ve got the new one with the flared arches; very nice. The problem is I live 1.5km from here; I don’t do school runs, and I’ve put 7000km on the clock in 22 months. It won’t have a service at this race for another 2 years.
NVDL: You don’t really need it.
Bullard: No.
RP: For how much are planning on selling it?
Bullard: For you, special price. R242 000 new. I’ll give it to you for about R190.

RP: That’s a very good price. And this weekend on Car Torque you’ll be driving the 350Z?
Bullard: Yes; very good car, very nice car. Good value.

NVDL: [Rudely interrupting] So what’s your dream car?
Bullard: Porsche [he enunciates the word lovingly: Por-sha] Look if money was no object and overall – I mean I do like many other cars – but I’ve found that consistently Porsche is a car you can drive every day. It’s a fabulous performer; it’s superbly engineered. I’ve been over to a lot of launches, I’ve seen the engineers, talked to the engineers: it delivers on every level.
NVDL: What about…
RP: Do you think it’s actually worth it; I mean on South African roads?
Bullard: No, [but] that’s a different question isn’t it? We were out yesterday; we were driving the Audi R8 down in Worcester, last week – on very clear, rural roads – at illegal speeds. The policemen were presumably told to take the day off. You can’t drive like that; you’re going to get nicked. You’re going to go to prison. I mean if you’re driving at 240, and this car is capable of 300km/h, - and my frustration is you’re sitting in a car like a Porsche thinking: “Well, you know, I’m actually using 40% of the capacity.” Like the big Merc. So, practically, I would rather have something that’s not a gas guzzler, that takes a lot of people… My wife drives a Renault Scenic which I think is great, apart from the second hand value, and I quite like boring MPVs. You for going into the bush…
NVDL: What’s an MPV?
Bullard: Multi-Purpose Vehicle, traditionally the ‘Mom’s Taxi’s, but they’ve got 7 seats and…

NVDL: I like that you said: -“not a gas guzzler”-
Bullard: Yeah.
NVDL: Because in the reality of what’s happening; I mean oil is now at $74 whatever-
Bullard: Heading towards 100.
NVDL: With the amount of cars that are just growing all of the world…
Bullard: Two nights ago I went to a dinner party in Sanddown, from Rosebank. Took me an hour and a half to get there. Because the robots were out. So because we’re having load shedding, it was gridlock cars, all the way through, all burning fuel…
NVDL: Mmm.
Bullard: Into the atmosphere, which must have been, which must be [in my estimation] worse than not having the robots working. Get the robots working, get the people home, then cut the electricity. Instead of which, there were hundreds of cars down every possible rat run. You do four kilometers in an hour and a half. And have all that frustration. And most of them were three litres. One guy was sitting in his car, on the cell phone..

NVDL: But do you see the cycle of what’s happening? We’re getting strange weather, which causes power outages, which causes traffic jams, and the traffic leads to weather…in a way…
Bullard: Sure. It’s a knock-on effect. Let’s manage it. Surely people can have flexi-hours at their offices. Surely more people can work from home. We’re talking executive’s cars moving in and out, at the same time every day, with one person in[side].
But we don’t have a good public transport system. When I lived in London I didn’t have a car; there was no point. I hired a car [for the] weekend.
NVDL: Yeah.
Bullard: I was on the bus, or a train or an Underground.
NVDL: I think part of the problem is suburbia.
Bullard: Yeah.
NVDL: We need a city and suburbia that’s one, which is basically what Europe is.
Bullard: Yes.
NVDL: We need that…How do you go into the future with suburbia still being developed, and now we’ve got this problem. Now you’ve got property markets the way they are, and so everything’s based on, you know, this project that doesn’t really have a future. So how do you un-engineer or re-engineer it?
Bullard: That’s right.
NVDL: There’s a movement call New Urbanism. They design walkable communities, and communities that are connected to organic systems. But I mean that’s still – that’s so on the fringe it’s not funny…
Bullard: Mmmm.
NVDL: But that basically needs to come in.
RP: On a lighter note…
Bullard: Indeed…I thought that was a light bit actually [Everyone laughs].
For the other interview click on the tag below: The Bullard Tapes.

Bullard: Out to Lunch TV Talk Show (INTERVIEW PART 3)

Bullard: Somebody wants to do that. I mean they want to do an Out to Lunch show. It’s like radio. I was asked to do a radio show as well. You’re tied down. I don’t want to be tied down. I don’t want to do [GARBLED] Jenny Crwys-Williams; being in the studio every lunch time to do a show between 1 and 4.
RP: Mmm.
Bullard: I mean I go away for four days on car launches because I can.
NVDL: Where do you go?
Bullard: Umm – where ever they go. Spain – a lot of overseas launches – Spain, America, UK…
NVDL: It’s a nice life hey?
Bullard: Well it sounds a nice life, but there are a lot of delays at airports and the security in Europe, and you go and drive a car on the wrong side of the road for a day or two. If Porsche is hosting it’s a fabulous life. You have a bloody good party that night, get very pissed, get up the next morning, drive a Porsche and then fly back, Business Class, in the afternoon.
RP: [Chuckles].
Bullard: But with three connections. So there’s an upside and a downside. You’ve still got to produce the words. But the problem is I couldn’t do that if I was doing a radio show or a television show. I couldn’t do any of this stuff; and I do a lot of MCing.
NVDL: But you could [do the stuff you do] after a few seasons.
Bullard: No. You could but… [Hesitates a moment] For example if I’ve got an evening show I can’t do any MCing. So somebody phones and says, ‘Will you MC an event,” I have to say I can’t, I have the evening show. So evening shows are way out. Can’t do that. Could record something. Possibly could record a few things and stack them up. And that might help. But on a regular live show it’s just…
NVDL: Then you don’t do it live you do it all prerecorded.
Bullard: Could do that.
RP: Yeah. And that way you’re not tied down.

Sponsor Wanted

Bullard: The thing with that – and it’s been as I say mooted a couple of times; and everyone says, the SABC says – ‘who is the sponsor Bring the sponsor?’ Because they’re not prepared to put up the money for it. So you go to them and say right: ‘It’s sponsored by Vodacom; here’s a large portion of money. Mr Bullard’s wardrobe by so and so; his hair by so and so. Dancing girls, full orchestra in the back and that’s great. And they then take all the advertising, because that’s the way they run the business. So if you’ve got a sponsor you can do it.
NVDL: Mmmm.
Bullard: We have one or two people looking… It’s a question of commitment, really. Unless someone’s got to, say, rack in a couple of million for production costs, then it’s not going to happen.
NVDL: We need – you know like you get Oprah in America – we need that sort of personality here.
RP: Yeah.
NVDL: And we’ve got Noleen [making a slight face].
RP: Exactly.
Bullard: Well it gets viewers. People like that sort of thing.
RP: But we need some talk show hosts that thinks in controversial aspects.
NVDL: I also think you express – like in your column – what you say is stuff that is quite urgent actually.
Bullard: Yes.
NVDL: And it’s almost like a form of leadership. And I think more people need to join that conversation. Because what’s happening is: a lot of what you’re saying is needed and people are thinking that, but they’re not expressing it.

Let's Talk About Leadership

Bullard: Couldn’t agree more. Because it is a sort’ve ‘zeitgeist’ – to use that overused word. Because a lot of people are saying: “Gee whiz, we read your column and it’s exactly what we discussed over dinner on Saturday night.” Well it’s very read what we’re going to be talking about this weekend. It’s going to be about Mbeki’s dishonesty. I mean my article this week is about Mbeki’s web of evil. And the editor is happy that it goes through, and I think it is a web of evil. But you know, your point is very well made.

It’s kind’ve like aging: I can go to the mirror in the morning and I can now see visible signs of aging. I can now see eyebrows have grown longer and a few more wrinkles. But I mean it’s happening gradually over time. If I look back at a photograph I can see what I was like. Now put that into the political perspective. We look back at a snapshot of South Africa five years ago and we’re very optimistic. Even two years ago. We’re now gradually losing our freedoms. And it’s not until we wake up with all those wrinkles…
NVDL: Yeah.
Bullard: …And we look in the mirror and say: we’re not allowed to say this. Some journalists – that newspaper disappeared, my mates are in prison.
RP: Yup.
Bullard: Or they’ve run out the country. The judges have all been bought off by the ruling party. They’ve gotten rid of anyone in the National Prosecuting Authority who doesn’t please Mbeki or his guys: bloody dangerous. And so you’re absolutely right-
NVDL: And it’s happening right now.

Wanted: Rallying Call

Bullard: You need a rallying call. Well absolutely right. And a lot of people are feeling helpless because business – apart from FNB, which I think was handled pretty badly-
NVDL: That was a shame.
Bullard: But you know Johan Rupert, in a conversation with me, I mean they were banned under the Nats, because they upset them and basically what the government did was hold back their import licenses for a year and starve the company of profits. And business is very aware of the strength of the politicians who can do whatever they like. Because there’s just no control. We actually need a new struggle. I’ve been reading the black columnists; and I hate to differentiate - they have to differentiate because they were part of the struggle, I wasn’t – reading their comments, and about their depression and Justice Malala particularly I think is very vocala and getting a lot of comment and I agree with pretty well everything he says. Um… You know you need some sort of reaction.

NVDL: Yeah. It’s actually an important thing we need. I’ve heard quite a few comments from black people saying – cautiously – that some things under the previous regime were actually better. There was less of this and less of that. Not to say we want to go back to that, but just to say how bad things are now. And to actually say that is like saying: Wow, things are shit. This can’t carry on. We’re actually going way beyond what’s unacceptable.
Bullard: Yeah that’s encouraging because people are recognizing that. On the other hand you go down to the rural areas where you have nothing, and I mean here the similarity is the tornado story last week.

Irrational Behaviour

People went home, and behaved irrationally, only because they didn’t have information to counter the irrational information they’d been given. The skies were dark; it was a tornado, get on the road, get in a traffic jam and behave stupidly. And then realize afterwards you’d been suckered. Now, put that into an election thing. Go to the rural areas and say:
“Jacob Zuma will save you. He will give you houses; he will give you cars," and you vote for him – because that’s what he said. Only afterwards you realize… I mean we all have this madness and delusion in crowds. And everyone is capable of being lead. And I think the government is working to do that very well. Where there is absolutely no counter-opinions. No opposition.
NVDL: Who would you suggest is a good leader [a possible presidential candidate]?

Watch this space to find out who David Bullard recommends to lead this country. To read the previous 2 or the following 2 transcripts, click on the label The Bullard Tapes below.