Spring Cleaning today - mostly of my computer. Just deleted a lot of useless and overlapping files. Separated a lot of my software into three Briefcases: Work, Sport, and Play. Want to be digging around in the Work Briefcase a bit more now. Focus on that.
In Starbucks today I sat thinking, eyes drifting above the book (insightful reading nevertheless) about an idea for a new book, a new angle. I won't say more. I've said a lot and done little these past few days, going to be a bit mum in that department. Let actions do some of the talking now.
Just been in a more mature frame of mind today, and one of my epiphanies has been a bit of a renunciation of 'beauty'. Well, conventional or worldly beauty.
I think I have gravitated towards that, also felt increasingly disatisfied with my own appearance, and now my interests are focussed elsewhere. This does not mean I am going to binge on icecream and beer. No, I still am very dedicated to a healthy and active lifestyle, to fitness and wellness. I don't think the end goal of all that should be how we look, but our state of being. Elevating our state of being, yes.
I don't like the idea of someone who is wasting time seeking constant validation/aka being immature and testing his or her appearance constantly on this or that boy or girl that they find attractive.
Some people need their ego's inflated, and I got a strong sense today of how wasteful and useless and pointless this behaviour is. Grow Up! - as Al Pacino would growl.
Although I embarked on this line of thinking earlier today, just a few hours ago I was watching Average Joe. I know these reality shows are quite contrived, but it was fascinating to see the princess falling for Prince Handsome, but then finding (away from the romantic holiday setting, when in his small and ordinary home, in sight of a smelly dog and a blow up doll) behind all the charm and beautific smiles, just...GAWP...nothing. Beyond the beautiful shell, just air. At one point she asked him, "What's the best book you ever read?" Hesitation. A stilted response:"Can't remember." "What's the last book you ever read?" "You know, I never read books."
She'd said earlier that when I'm with him, it's like being in a Calvin Klein commercial. But that's not enough.
When you focus on how things look, you pass up the real value of yourself, the other person, and the whole process of our lives. You invalidate your life! This is High School stuff!
The new project I have outlined touches on this, the myth, the ridiculous ideas we have about beauty.
Felt better but still lightheaded today. It's getting warmer though, and the sky, bluer.
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