Showing posts with label How to be unhappy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label How to be unhappy. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

How to be happy...[and knowing what's not helping]

How to be happy starts with knowing what's not helping:

Make little things bother you. Don't just let them, MAKE them.

Lose your perspective on things and keep it lost: don't put first things first.

Get yourself a good worry, one about which you cannot do anything.

Be a perfectionist, which means not that you work hard to do your best, but that you condemn yourself and others for not achieving perfection.

Be right. Be always right. Be the only one who is always right, and be rigid in your rightness.

Don't trust or believe people, or accept them at anything but their worst and weakest.

Be suspicious. Insist that others always have hidden motives.

Always compare yourself unfavorably to others. This guarantees instant misery.

Take personally everything that happens to you.

Don't give yourself whole-heartily to anyone or anything.

Might be a good time to check out these tips at the start of a fresh, new year...
clipped from www.webmd.com

Happiness Barrier No. 1: Complexity


Solution: Simplify

If you simplify your life, you create more space in your day, making it possible to reflect on your life.

Happiness Barrier No. 2: A Breakneck Pace


Solution: Take a Pause

“That kind of tension takes a toll on your soul and your psyche.”
clipped from www.webmd.com

Happiness Barrier No. 3: Negativity


Solution: Let go

“Your prison is nothing in comparison with the inner prison of ordinary people: the prison of attachment, the prison of anger, the prison of depression, the prison of pride.” wrote Lama Zopa Rinpoche to a California prisoner

Happiness Barrier No. 4: Despair


Solution: Stay hopeful

clipped from www.webmd.com

Happiness Barrier No. 5: Suppressing sadness


Solution: Feel the real

Having a positive outlook doesn’t mean you never allow yourself to feel sadness.

Happiness Barrier No. 6: Navel-gazing


Solution: Connect with others

It turns out that happiness can spread through social networks, like a virus.

blog it

Friday, December 05, 2008

Happiness is contagious - but is it contagious online?

NVDL: My guess would be no.

Obesity and smoking habits spread socially as well. Interestingly I seem to be having a positive impact in the sense that my girlfriend has quit smoking, now her brother is too, and he is no trying to lose weight too. If he succeeds perhaps her mom will be next....

"You can save your money," Christakis said. "Being around happy people is better."

clipped from news.yahoo.com

LONDON – When you're smiling, the whole world really does smile with you.

A paper being published Friday in a British medical journal concludes that happiness is contagious — and that people pass on their good cheer even to total strangers.

American researchers who tracked more than 4,700 people in Framingham, Mass., as part of a 20-year heart study also found the transferred happiness is good for up to a year.

"Happiness is like a stampede," said Nicholas Christakis, a professor in Harvard University's sociology department and co-author of the study. "Whether you're happy depends not just on your own actions and behaviors and thoughts, but on those of people you don't even know."

blog it

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

2 Quotes on a Slippery Slope

Once you start comparing yourself to others, you are on a slippery slope to nowhere. My coach Rick Demont has a saying - To win is to be the best in the history of your body, which I find very true. - from Ryk Neethling's blog

...it is essential for South Africa to move its centre of gravity away from a culture of entitlement to an ethic of excellence. - David Shapiro

Monday, March 31, 2008

Do we ever enjoy what we have?

I've got a few books on my bedside table, and usually I am a ravenous reader. I haven't even gotten through the first 10 pages of my new Grisham book. Then I went through my little library and started counting how many books I've bought and not even read. Then I went through the magazines. Ja, you read one or two stories, and save the rest for later. The problem is, there is no later. And CD's and so forth. When do we have time to actually enjoy the fruits - so-called - of our labours. My advice: make time. And to help with that, unplug the TV.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

The 3-Times Rule

I was on the phone to an ex-girlfriend, asking her if she wanted to watch NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN with me today, and she said: "Definitely not." Not because of me (I think it's safe to say), but because she's not into that particular OSCAR WINNING movie at all. Fair enough. I reminded her about an invitation to JUNO and she said: "I've already told you I'm going with you." "But if you change your mind, tell me, I don't want to have to call you and find out that way." "But I won't change my mind." "But if you do, and if you do it's no problem at all. Just let me know."

We got onto talking about something else and she eventually stopped me and said: you broke the '3-Times' rule. What is that?
It means if you contact a new person, where friend, colleague, potential shag whatever, you can contact them only three times (in total, adding all mediums) after which, the law states, you may never contact them again.

I said I would do that, as follows:
"Hi, this is Nick. By the way this is phone call number 1 of 3 in total. The trial period is about to expire. How about a movie? Oh I know it's short notice, okay so you can't come, okay no probs. Just a reminder though, this is phone call number 1..."

A few days later.
"Hi, me again. I know this is email but it is total message number 2 (of 3). Feel like getting a quick bite to eat. Oh, you have a deadline. That's cool. No problemo. But before I end this email, just so you know, this is message 2 of 3. Have a great day."

At the end of the week, via sms:
"Feel like going for coffee. (btw this is message 3 of 3)."

Sms back: "Can't sorry. Am at a braai but I might be free on Sunday."

Communications Ends.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

How to turn anonymous page impressions into your loyal community of explorers

It is no longer enough to provide only text, however well written, on conventional news websites.

News sites now are effective when they know how to appropriately mix their multimedia content. The effectiveness of this mix depends, naturally, on the content at any given time.

For example when a hurricane story breaks, one of the most effective content sites is www.msnbc.com. Why? Because MSNBC have an excellent blend of vivid pictures, slide shows, animated tracking, satellite images and maps (or graphs) - and text of course - which in combination provide the reader with an excellent picture of what is happening.

It is a moot point: is a person who is surfing the net someone who ‘reads’ or someone who ‘views’? The answer is both. But net based attention spans are very short. You have 1 or 2 seconds to engage your audience, so you need to be as sticky as possible in terms of hooking into human eyeballs.

What works in print also works on the homepage: a vivid, colorful picture that tells a story in itself. The New York Times prefers a horizontal rectangle – a cinemascoping of the image. The BBC often uses the longitudinal image. Which is best depends on site design.

I’m inclined to go for the BBC look, particularly if the idea is to have readers eyes moving towards the text, from left to right and top to bottom.

Subheadings

The goal of the site and content designers (or editors, as the case may be) should firstly be to turn viewers into readers. This means instead of spending a few seconds on your site, their eyeballs will stick to some sticky element, and you will then hold their attention for a minute, possibly much more.

It is very easy in the cramped space of a webpage, where a foot or two of text has to be put down, for the reader to get lost. The fact that your reader (if you’re lucky enough to graduate your viewer to a more committed reader) has to use a mouse to navigate means reams of disconnected text float and scroll at speeds that his or her eye might find difficult to track. Here subheadings are not merely useful, but vital.

Recycling

The Washington Post is an example of a site that recycles (basically through redirecting) the reader through its own archives, through its various sections using links. This is an example of the Web enabling ‘stream-of-consciousness’ browsing. Once you can engage the reader’s curiosity, if you place enough stepping stones around him, you’re likely to take him or her somewhere worthwhile.

Swiss Cheese Your Site

Think of 'Swiss Cheese' when you designing content and sites. Each portal should easily lead to another passage which can take you somewhere else. But there should also be textual and visual consistency throughout the site, for example, on different pages.

Logos can obviously reinforce this ‘sense of place’, but a headline picture can be repeated on other pages to reinforce and integrate the site and what it is communicating.
For slideshows, a black background provides a powerful framework to show off pictures to their best effect. They tend to have a classier look and feel too.

It’s important then also to state the obvious: caption all images, and provide links under these captions to other relevant sites. Use color in a consistent manner, unless you would like to differentiate a subsection (eg. the Multimedia page). Change font color and size to differentiate clearly what is ‘article text’ and sidebar ‘Lists’ or ‘Sections’.

Balance

A page needs to be colorful, but not overpowering. To my mind, CNN.com has too much ‘white space’, especially towards the bottom of the page. Time.com has a fine balance between all the basics: text size, spacing, color, photographs and overall use of ‘space’.

Other design features based on ergonomics:

- the searchbar is always placed on the right (when we seek new information, that’s where our eyes travel – to the right and up)
- Most Popular stories (or for Blogs, links or other navigational invitations) should be placed in the right sidebar, in the mid to lower level.
- When the viewer/reader has completed his gaze, the eye will more than likely be at the bottom right, the same place the eye will travel when reading a book: putting something like an ‘impulse purchase’ in the space at the bottom right (a competition, a poll, or as the BBC does – a podcast).

Additional features

Websites can add tremendous utility to bread and butter content but simply providing these in additional formats: For websites that are based on some other real world medium (newspaper or TV) behind the scenes footage or reporting can always be provided in a: ‘More on this story’ section.

The most catchy stories can be complemented with an audio version, particularly where the columnist is well known and well spoken. In the same way video interviews should be featured, but also have the option of having audio only, and also a transcript. Allow the viewer the choice to do/be what he or she wants to: to read, or to view.

To the extent that sites can constantly add and integrate multimedia, the site becomes not only more valuable but more useful, enabling the content provider and the content consumer to communicate and engage on the appropriate level.

Once this level has been measured and ascertained, there ought to be an implicit mutual understanding on what a site will undertake to provide, and the viewer will then commit, perhaps daily, to transition; to spend more time on your site, not merely as a reader, but as a curious explorer.

The basic analogy then is that the content provider is a forest designer, and the reader is Little Red Riding Hood. Now find a way to get her lost in the woods, not in a way that scares her, but in a way that is so much fun, she forgets that she's gotten herself lost in your world.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Top 10 Tips for New Bloggers From Original Blogger Jorn Barger (WIRED)

Jorn Barger of Robot Wisdom coined the term "weblog" Dec. 17, 1997 -- 10 years ago Monday -- to describe the daily list of links that "logged" his travels across the web.

In the decade hence, Barger feels that he's gained some wisdom of his own about blogging. Here's Barger's top 10 tips for novice bloggers:

My intent for weblogs in 1997 was to make the web as a whole more transparent, via a sort of "mesh network," where each weblog amplifies just those signals (or links) its author likes best. 1998-1999 was for me the Golden Age of Weblogs, when the following principles were widely understood:

1. A true weblog is a log of all the URLs you want to save or share. (So del.icio.us is actually better for blogging than blogger.com.) [Except it lacks personality: It's like ordering something from a menu into a drive-thru mike, rather than from a waitress or something else real.]

2. You can certainly include links to your original thoughts, posted elsewhere … but if you have more original posts than links, you probably need to learn some humility. [Interesting..seems I'm on the right track. Although this blog certainly started out - in terms of original content - on the wrong track. The first half is almost exclusively all about me and my thoughts...]

3. If you spend a little time searching before you post, you can probably find your idea well articulated elsewhere already. [True. Which starts to beg the question: why blog? The answer is, some people who know you want are interested in your thoughts, your ideas, and want to share in your conversation - not some stranger's. Right?]

4. Being truly yourself is always hipper than suppressing a link just because it's not trendy enough. Your readers need to get to know you. [Aha, see my above comment.]

5. You can always improve on the author's own page title, when describing a link. (At least make sure your description is full enough that readers will recognize any pages they've already visited, without having to visit them again.)

6. Always include some adjective describing your own reaction to the linked page (great, useful, imaginative, clever, etc.) [Makes sense.]

7. Credit the source that led you to it, so your readers have the option of "moving upstream."

8. Warn about "gotchas" -- weird formatting, multipage stories, extra-long files, etc. Don't camouflage the main link among unneeded (or poorly labeled) auxiliary links.

9. Pick some favorite authors or celebrities and create a Google News feed that tracks new mentions of them, so other fans can follow them via your weblog. [Awesome idea.]

10. Re-post your favorite links from time to time, for people who missed them the first time.

Long, Dull, Boring, Whacko, Wake Up Weekend


What not to do and what to do to make the most of your holiday break

The good thing about having wasted so much time this weekend is the dissatisfaction serves as a reminder for what not to do when I go on holiday (quite soon). Hence here are the rules:
1) No computer games
2) No sleeping late
3) No promises to go to gym - just go
4) Forget trying to get the pool clean - go and swim somewhere else (it's too late now)
5) Make sure you've made plans with people beforehand. 5 minutes is not sufficient lead up to do a weekend trip
6) Effort - not laziness - will be rewarded
7) No DVD's

And to do:

1) Read
2) Spend time with friends and family
3) Get outside, into a new environment
4) Catch a tan - sunshine is happiness
5) Be active, and put it in an effort. Help out around the house
6) Explore
7) Experience and enjoy (absorb)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Desiderata (Max Ehrmann)

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Thanks J

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Improve Your Relationship With Your Boss (HOW TO)


From chron.com:

Understand your job is to help the boss win. Focus on doing a great job and explain to him or her that you understand the importance of success.

Listen for their best intentions. If your boss is delivering bad news, ask questions to better understand what it is that he or she needs. Help him or her build context for what should be communicated to others.

Tell the truth, as you see it, in a neutral way. Your boss wants to know what you think, even if there is resistance at first. If you have an idea about how to help the company improve, share it.

Schedule a time to meet if your boss doesn't schedule it for you. Take a notepad with you, an update of your work, and anything else you want to boast. Be brief in this meeting. If you schedule 30 minutes, take 15 and give time back.

Visualize a great meeting or communication exchange before you get to the office and manifest that through the day.

Stop gossiping, especially about your boss. It always gets back and usually without your context and intentions. Learn to turn away from the negative discussions people tend to spend too much time participating in.

These suggestions are from DJ Mitsch, co-founder and president of the Pyramid Resource Group, an executive coaching firm in Cary, N.C.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Is The Net Good For Writers?


By RU Sirius (10zenmonkeys.com)

"Writing as a special talent became obsolete in the 19th century. The bottleneck was publishing."

That bold statement came from Clay Shirky when I interviewed him for the NeoFiles webzine back in 2002. I never got around to asking him if that was an aesthetic judgment or a statement about economics and social relations.

But here's a contrasting viewpoint. Novelist William Burroughs met playwright Samuel Beckett, and after some small talk, Beckett looked directly at Burroughs and said, propitiously, "You're a writer." Burroughs instantly understood that Beckett was welcoming him into a very tiny and exclusive club — that there are only a few writers alive at any one time in human history. Beckett was saying that Burroughs was one of them. Everybody writes. Not everybody is a writer. Or at least, that's what some of us think...

Now the web — and its democratizing impact — has spread for over a decade. Over a billion people can deliver their text to a very broad public. It's a fantastic thing which gives a global voice to dissidents in various regions, makes people less lonely by connecting other people with similar interests and problems, ad infinitum.

But what does it mean for writers and writing? What does it mean for those who specialize in writing well?

I've asked ten professional writers, including Mr. Shirky, to assess the net's impact on writers. Here are their answers to the question...

For more on this interesting article, click here.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

How To Be Unhappy


Make little things bother you. Don't just let them, MAKE them.

Lose your perspective on things and keep it lost:don't put first things first.

Get yourself a good worry, one about which youcannot do anything.

Be a perfectionist, which means not that you work hard to do your best, but that you condemn yourself and others for not achieving perfection.

Be right. Be always right. Be the only one who is always right, and be rigid in your rightness.

Don't trust or believe people, or accept them at anything but their worst and weakest.

Be suspicious. Insist that others always have hidden motives.

Always compare yourself unfavorably to others. This guarantees instant misery.

Take personally everything that happens to you.

Don't give yourself whole-heartily to anyone or anything.
Above image courtesy topleftpixel.com