Three Thoughts - about Death

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest , of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? - from Shakespeare's Hamlet

I've had a handful of epiphanies about the eternal sleeping sickness - by Nick van der Leek

At the last moment tonightI decided to swim two lengths underwater. I've done it before, but I somehow doubted whether I had the same - the required - fortitude this time. After the first length underwater I turned, and I knew then, that I was going to have to dig deep. With 5 metres to go my lungs started screaming, and I looked into the halls of water remaining. And that's when it hit me, when I looked and saw how far I had to go, and how my lungs were bursting: the absolute certainty of death. I sputtered through on the other side, I completed the length, but felt a terrible sense of fatal depression wash over me.

You can't escape it, just as you can't escape the fact that underwater, your body reaches a limit. No matter what you may do, or think, or say, your body approaches a limit. Life has limits. Maybe you'll live a long time, maybe you'll check out early, but everyone checks out, and no one comes back, ever. In the same way, whatever we may think or do or say, all - of - us - will - die.

I sometimes find writing a form of drowning. It's the giving up of life in service of something else...observing, commenting, criticising, complaining about life. It's especially bad being a writer when your work is lost on a computer, or hard work and time spent compiling it is dumped by a ruthless editor. It's the same as taking that time, time that could have been spent running or soaking up the sun, or kissing someone, and pouring it down the toilet.

The second thought is an easier one to deal with, because it is almost the opposite of the gripping panic of a dark destiny, of non-existence. Some time ago I took a sleeping pill. I'm not in the habit of doing this, but I did this because thanks to a LOT of writing, my sleeping patterns had quickly fallen into disarray. I slept so soundly that when I woke I thought so that's what it's like to be dead. You have absolutely no feeling about it, one way or the other. Think about it, what was it like before you were born, before you existed? That's right. Nothing.

We can worry and fret about death, but when you're dead, you don't exist to know, or care - because you're not there. So that sort of takes care of death. It's your choice whether to be scared, and there's justification in being scared, or whether to not be scared, after all, the moment of death might be as quick and awful as a flu shot. After that, of course, oblivion. Least that's what I believe.

Now, the third thought concerns life. You may have regrets in your life, but if you're still alive, you still have a choice. And that's the beauty of it. Every single moment, you can seize the power you have over your life, or relinquish it. When you seize it, you live, and for as long as you don't, you're not quite here in the land of the living anyway. So what are you going to do? Choose now. NOW.

Ashley Callie is a human being - so are you

During the week that Ashley Callie was in a coma, I felt a sense of pressure, and a sense of her struggle. As each day passed and she remained in a coma, while we busied ourselves with our various concerns, I could not help but feel a strong sense of perspective...on what life is really about. And every time I saw impatient drivers overtake on Glenhove road, I'd wince. When will people get it? Your chance of getting seriously injured - in your life - is by far the highest when you get into your car. It's not a game. The steering wheel is the wheel of your own life, and you hold it in your hands.

What I remember was some spokesman speaking on behalf of the actress and being confident that she would pull through because she is 'a fighter'. It might sound like I am saying this in retrospect, but in fact, right then (he was speaking immediately after the accident), I remember thinking: "Where's the gravitas? She has serious head injuries, is in critical condition and this guy is sounding upbeat..." I believe it is appropriate for us to be modest sometimes, and humble, and try to face reality for what it is. Even if we have a positive attitude, we are not necessarily in control are we? Because it is possible to die. It is possible to die.

Did it matter that she must inevitably cease, completely. All this must go on without her. Did she resent it? Or did it not become consoling to believe that death ended absolutely? It is possible to die. It is possible to die. - Virginia Woolf in The Hours

Angelica Bell: What happens when we die?
Virginia Woolf: What happens? [pause]
Virginia Woolf: We return to the place that we came from.
Angelica Bell: I don't remember where I came from.
Virginia Woolf: Nor do I.

I saw Ashley Callie once at a mall last year in Bloemfontein. I was trying to take pictures of another soap star (Dezi, in 7de Laan). I noticed this long haired brunette and wondered who she was. I don't watch soapies, so I didn't know who she was. She gave me a few quizzical glances since I was coming in from the side taking photos (while everyone else was queuing for autographs).

It occurred to me when she was in hospital asleep/unconscious that her life actually ended for her at the moment of impact. Her body then fought for survival and lost that fight for survival because of the terrible damage sustained during the collision. This Sunday I saw pictures of the two car wrecks involved. The Renault is on its roof, and it is hard to imagine anyone survived in that crumbled mangle of red metal. Her small Smart is in a much better state, but she was hit on the driver's side and from the front.

[It now turns out that last sentence is incorrect in that it suggests another car collided with hers, when in fact it's been widely reported today - 20/02/2008 - that Callie ran a red light causing the accident. I must say I thought it was likely to have been the Renault - filled with youngsters and probably the guy driving was showing off, but this wasn't the case. Also, Callie had no medical aid, and hence had to be treated at a general hospital. All a pretty grim unfolding of events. One minute you're at a party, the next, you're fighting a losing battle to stay alive...]

My point is that we get mixed up with our hopes and wishes and wants, and it becomes a sort of 'expectancy'. Then we are shocked when we face the limits to life. There are limits, and once we can accept them, we can move on to enjoying and appreciating everything else.

To view a moving slideshow on Ashley Callie, go here.

Whites Are Scum

I was reading on someone elses blog about the death penalty in the States, and it turns out that in the last 31 years in America, of the 1099 people executed 57% were whites. A little more than half of that number were black. Does that mean that the death penalty has worked in terms of dissauding blacks from perpetrating crimes, and that whites think they are smart enough to beat the system, or does it mean that whites (in America) are at the lowest level in terms of the scum bucket.
Also quite shocking: 120 people were released from death throw. That doesn't mean they were innocent, maybe some were, but on appeal there was not enough to prove them guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.

I had a heated discussion on this topic, and my reasoning is simple: do you allow criminals to murder (50 murders a day in this country) and deprive your own community of defending itself (because that is exactly what it is, one small means of defending a community against out of control predators)?

The counterarguments are to be expected: what about the guy who gets sentenced to death in error?
Two things:
1) I'd argue that this individual is probably pretty sick and has a record of sick activity to get him facing this sort of sentence. In other words, you;re not talking about putting innocent or even seemingly innocent people on death row. You want the Criminal World's Top Achievers.

2) More lives are spared because the burglar or kidnapper decides not to also murder the woman he has just raped, reasoning, quite correctly, that if caught the most he could get is a life sentence. The death penalty may save thousands of potential lives in the sense that the criminal has pause - not in every case but in many cases - not to take the lives of people that come into harms way each and every day in this country.

In this sense, the saving in terms of lives saved - I'd argue - is incalculable, especially in South Africa.

Leading Causes of Death

Based on US Statistics (2004)