Publisher: WE LOVE YOUR BOOK!

Dear Nick

It is exceedingly rare that we write the letter you are holding in your hands. In fact it is fair to say this happens around once or twice a year. We were at first pleased and interested in your mansucript, and then absolutely rivetted. Excellent prose, awesome plot, and such a relevant topic too. Being a fairly short story, I handed it to the Editor and other colleagues, all of whom stayed up the whole night reading HOLIDAY.

At this point we would like to offer you a contract, and request your permission to submit a copy for re-scripting to the Writer's Guild of America. In this way we can get it submitted to a Hollywood Studio. We would really blah blah blah, ya da ya da ya da...

The actual Email goes like this:

Dear Nick

Thank you for submitting your manuscript to J Media.

Although your manuscript is intelligent and well-written, it does not fit in with our publishing strategy at present. We recommend that you consult the Publishers' Association of South Africa (PASA) at www.publishsa.co.za, if you have not already done so.

Best of luck with your endeavours!

Yours sincerely
CL

I almost got suckered by 'intelligent and well'written'. They [publishers] say that to everyone, don't they.

Meanwhile the above image reminds me of the novel I wrote while in South Korea (yearning for South Africa): HALF FULL MOON. It's the adventure of a helicopter pilot who starts off fighting these urban threatening infernos; and accidently scoops up a shallow diver in the orange bambi dangling under the helicopter, and tosses him into hellfire. And so ends that chapter of his life.

He - Andy Snook - finds it hard to live with himself after that, and soon after gets helicopter-wrecked in the Kalahari, where a Bushman finds him, and guides him back to the 'Desert of the real', the now. He also meets the desert dragon; a spiritual entity called Alcala who reminds him that there is not one world, but two. In this existentialist realm he find himself, and through his journey - his redemption - we sees ourselves, mankind, redeemed.

How to publish your novel (without really trying)

Warning: Plenty of writing submitted to publishers and agents is not even read.

If you want to be really really rich, just do what JK Rowling did. Sit in a coffee shop or on a train (it helps to be single, miserable and down on your luck) and think up a fantasy that can be transformed into an epic, the installments can then be developed into a franchise with many spinoffs – movies, merchandising and the rest. And voila!

Except – Oops! - we forgot to mention one eeny meeny simple link in the chain: going from the execution of the idea to actually publishing it. The assumption of course is that good work will simply be recognized, and then the rest will be history right? Write?

Unfortunately David Lassman has recently proved what a lot of battered spirits have long suspected. Plenty of writing submitted to publishers and agents is not read in the first place. Lassman resubmitted a synopsis and first few chapters of literary classics like Austen’s Pride and Prejudice (changing only the title, main characters names etc) and received many formulaic rejections. He sent opening chapters to 18 of the UK's biggest publishers and agents, including Penguin, who republished Pride and Prejudice in 2006. Penguin described Lassman’s submission as ‘a really original and interesting read’ but ‘not right’ for Penguin.

Here’s a sample of rejections I’ve received for the 46 810 words in HOLIDAY, in the last 14 days:

The Wylie Agency: Thank you for your recent query / submission. Please excuse this form letter, but the volume of submissions we receive does not permit us to reply individually.

Blake Friedmann Literary Agency: Thank you for the material on your book. I’m sorry though, that I won’t be offering to represent you. There is lots to like here, but I'm afraid that I have to be absolutely passionate before I offer to take an author on.

Thank you for your recent enquiry to the Barrie James Literary Agency.
Although all submitted work is carefully read, we are not planning to represent any new writers at this time. In many cases this is a great shame as often the work is innovative and interesting.

Caroline Sheldon Literary Agency: Thanks for you email however I'm afraid that due to being enormously busy with the clients we already represent…

Toby Eady Literary Agency: Thank you for sending us this. I'm afraid we would not be the right agency for you but I wish you the best of luck finding representation elsewhere.

Then this heartwarming email from ‘Dave’ at Trafford Publishing:

Hello Nick
Thanks very much for inquiring about Trafford. I have attached an electronic version of our guide. Please take a look, and I am sure we can assist you to publish The Holiday.

When you open the attachment you’re given a very neat and concise description of how to pay for your own book. You even get to design it to, at a nominal extra charge of course. I emailed a friend who went this route. He said he paid $1000 to publish 20 books. And that was that.

The implication from the above quotes is of course that the material was read in the first place, but was found not quite good enough, or ‘inappropriate to our list.’. In fact, Christopher Little (which represents JK Rowling) said of the faux Jane Austen submission that they were ‘not confident of placing this material with a publisher.’

Alex Bowler, assistant editor at Jonathan Cape was the one exception who did recogmnise the material: “…there is such a thing as plagiarism and I’d hate for you to get in any kind of trouble with Jane Austen’s estate…”

Penguin has subsequently admitted that Lassman’s submission was probably not read in the first place.

So, coming back to the title of this article, if you want to get published you need to be someone who can be beaten down again and again, you need to cope with constant rudeness, clichéd and impersonal responses and prolonged periods of hopelessness. In short you need to be a Die Hard 1-4.0.
It really helps, once you’ve developed your craft, that you really are table to tell a good story. This is something that can require painstaking concentration, or, if you’re lucky, it can start to flow naturally. Chances are, even if you’re JK Rowling, you will find yourself having to endure the agonizing seasons where you must painstakingly find your way across several hectares of blank page, and in doing so, still produce a story people other than you will care about.

There is hope however. Hope lies in the grim reality that despite mountains of submissions, very little material that is sent in can boast having one simple quality:
A Good Story.

Herein lies the opportunity for every aspiring writer.
If only A Very Good Story could be quickly recognized and snapped up. My story, HOLIDAY, has been given glowing reviews from three close friends. That’s nice, but one wonders if it is enough. Yes, one can post it on one’s blog, or put a synopsis on mediapredict.com. The reality remains that it is very difficult to be noticed in all the clutter. Take a lesson from Rowling then: keep at it, even if it takes a few years to get noticed. Don’t give up.

In the end, you have to know someone who knows someone, and you have to stand out. Not just your writing, you. This means knocking on a lot of doors, and did I mention not giving up.

If you saw the title of this article and scoffed at the ‘not really trying' bit you have already learned a great deal, and I dare say you might be ready for bigger, and better things. I hope so fellow writer, I do, but that part is entirely up to you.

Ball Is Rolling

I've just been asked to send 50 pages of my book, The Holiday, by Toby Eady (in the UK). Fingers crossed. At the same time, somewhere in Norwood, Johannesburg, Janet is having a look at what may turn out to be my future abode.

Last night I watched the SA 2007 Ironman on ESPN. Was shocking to see Raynard overtaken in the final stretch (again) and that he was so exhausted by the effort of trying to win. Tissink has always seemed infallible, uncatchable, even superhuman. Was an interesting experience watching the Ironman from the comfort of a living room. Must say I still find it something that gets my blood pumping. 2008 maybe?

Been very busy this week.

Meanwhile here's a thought: when it comes to predicting the End of the World, you only have to be right once.

Stir

A body at rest remains at rest - Lance Armstrong

I did 160 situps on Saturday, and 10 pullups, and am still hurting a lot from that.

Good news is I now have another set of goggle straps to replace the others (they perished after sitting in a hot car one day too many).

This weekend I once again revived my writer/director aspirations. In part it came from watching Oliver Stone's WORLD TRADE CENTRE. But having not trained, I think I have been stewing in juices, amongst others, creative juices.

I've decided to ship all the prints that didn't sell in the exhibition to Veldrif. My aunt has a gallery there, and so I'll start by sending the prints of Boulders, and Smitswinkel. I won't send them all at once, probably in sets of 10. One of my colleagues is going to Cape Town in 2 weeks, so I'll be able to get them there without too much fuss. The rest I'll send once the first instalment sell (if they do).

I know my plan once upon a long ago was to enter the film industry on the jacketstrings of a published book. A few manuscripts later, and nothing much has been published (other than magazine and web-based stuff). I guess I have made progress, but I probably need to push it again.

Another step is buying a good digital video camera (better than my Sharp Viewcam), and writing my own documentaries. Local stuff, on local legends.

Meanwhile I've read up even more on the family history. My gradfather came to SA in 1936. He has an interesting letter which I'll try to copy and put here. Plus pictures of driving from Cape Town to Bloem in a Model T Ford. He was quite a go-getter. Am I? Will I be?

What am I doing in this crazy world?