Crap Advertising

Brendan Leary wrote in the latest Saturday Star of what a fine job The Jupiter Drawing Room have done with their new ABSA account. Errr...no. I bought both the English and Afrikaans Sunday papers this weekend, and only once I came to face to face with what can only be described as a fullpage 'footsun' in the second newspaper, did I bother to look at what it was about. It took a while to spot the Absa logo, and I certainly didn't bother to read the loud scrawl radiating around the page. It doesn't work because it is too loud, too overwhelming, too confusing and worst: what the hell does a foot of many colors say about a bank?

I tested this theory by holding up the page and saying, "What do you think this is about?" Long blank look. "Okay, at least tell me what brand this is promoting." Long blank look. Eventually I had to say: "Errr...the logo is at the bottom..."
"Absa?" A surprised, somewhat disgusted, very confused look. And that, your honor, concludes my opening argument.

I don't doubt that TJDR is creative. I do doubt though that they particularly care about selling more stuff. They're often guilty of what I call 'self-conscious' advertising. The execution is great, award winning. But do you even remember the product all the glitz and glamour is for? And therein, lies the rub. In this case, it chafes.

I believe we are in for a new era in advertising. The functional characteristics of a thing are going to be endorsed (as we did once upon a time) and reliance on the touchy feely, on image, and defining yourself through a brand or product, will be important, but less important. But wait, there's more.

Red Bull needs to rethink their latest ad, featuring a bunch of rowers. Okay so it gives you physical 'vitality' as well as mental vitality, and the latter is illustrated because the guy who offered Red Bull to the rival team only offered it to rowers on one side. Brilliant? Well, if Red Bull made you so smart how come 5 or so oarsmen rowed in a circle? How come having consumed Red Bull they didn't come up with some sort of clever solution? See, the logic breaks down. Redo from start.

Final gripe is with a VW radio commercial. It's amusing. It features a chick thinking of different ways to break up with her boyfriend, and then grosses him out in the end with a finger trick. Then it makes a huge leap. From the boyfriend/girlfriend thing it moves to cars, and that in life we have a lot of choices. It took a while for me to realise this commercial was to advertise VW, and I still haven't made the link between the concept 'choice' and whatever cars they were advertising.

Sometimes a little bit more boring is a lot more effective. Think about how effective 94.7's Bucks or the Box is. Incredibly simple, incredibly effective.

Nedbank Breaks The Rules

Marketers generally try to co-brand or create alliances keeping to color profiles. Which is why you won't see Coke and Vodacom doing promotions, or Coke and Samsung. You do see Coke and MacDonalds. You might see promotions with LandRover and Amstel and Nedbank, but why not Virgin Active (red) and Kauai (blue). You could argue that this isn't as much a question of color but industry, but take a look around. Marketing by color is a cogent strategy.

Blue is the New Red

Dynamic colors tend to math their brands. Some of the world's biggest brands today are blue, and many of these are computers/eletronics (Intel, Dell, Samsung). Marlboro and MacDondalds and Coca Cola are red brands, but I predict we'll see these brands fall out of favour over time, as the world gets more serious, and thinks about cooling down its demands, and its appetite.

TJDR

So it's interesting that The Jupiter Drawing Room are adding some dynamism to their brand. Green is being combined with Red. This is obvious in big print ads (in newspapers; the first time I saw it was at a marathon in Cape Town. The 'end zone' was blazzoned in green (balloons, the works), and above the finish line was the word: CELEBRATE. Yes, it had green blleding red. I thought this was odd at the time, then noticed it in Nedbank's other marketing as well.

ABSA it could be argued has been forced to go RED and BLUE, having been taken over by blue Barclays. When you're a leader, it is best to stick to your color, and reinforce it wherever possible. But when you're a contender, not number two, but further down the line, it helps to dilute the brand message of the number one brand. Is Nedbank doing this? It would seem so.

Remember Nedbank started off in a totally different direction with their BLUE and RED 'Go Green' TV commercials. Sometimes you have to break a few rules to get ahead. Is Nedbank breaking the right ones? Right now the banks are taking a lot of heat, not only locally but internationally. Right now might not be a good time to rock the boat. A conservative SAFE approach (given fantastic turbulence and credit insecurity) is the appropriate approach in my opinion.

Bank Online: Branches Will Make You Cry

The bottomless pit of bad service at our banks

Woe betide you if you’re visiting a bank branch. In fact if you don't heed the advice here and you DO visit a branch - as I did - you might be reduced to tears (see above)

Despite all the warm and fuzzy advertising that suggests banks and their customers will be roasting marshmallows over the fire place today, tomorrow and together, a good place to start delivering on these promises is by making things happen in those all important face-to-face in-branch encounters.

Red and Green

The two banks I visited over the weekend were the ABSA branch in Rosebank, and a Nedbank branch in the new shopping centre in Norwood.

In both branches I was made to wait extraordinary amounts of time (my banking foray began at 9am and concluded just before 12 o’ clock – midday. Can’t they make things simpler, do things better, get things done any faster?

The Customer Is Made To Wait

It seems to me that it boils down to terrifically bad customer service. I visited a nearby ABSA branch to take out a small loan, and after that 1 hour 30 minute negotiation I was told that I would be called the very next day, and ‘just come in and sign a contract’. Over the course of the next day I was in meetings, but received no ‘missed call’.

By Friday I had still heard nothing, and so at around 3pm I visited the person’s office who claimed she had called me. I said: “Well, since I’m here, let’s do it.” She then explained that I had to come in the next day. My guess is she had forgotten all about it.

On Saturday morning I arrived fairly early, and waited for a length of time. I brought along a book, and was able to move through at least two chapters while waiting.

Once I was called in, the lady assisting me made several trips through revolving glass doors to fetch other papers. At one point she handed me my credit rating (1, the best possible score) and upon returning I asked for another squiz at my credit record.

Disorganised

Her numerous trips around the building were apparently to gather all the necessary paperwork. Having sat down she said she must have left it somewhere, and then said: “I’ll quickly do another printout for you,” which she did on the spot.

Paperwork

Much paperwork and many signatures later, I was able to extract myself out of the bank and rush to the Bedbank bank branch before it closed.

Complicated

I had a very simply request at Nedbank: ‘please give me a balance’ sheet for my American Express credit card. Nedbank is AMEX’s South African service provider.

Steer Clear of AMEX Credit Cards

When I was abroad in South Korea I found it IMPOSSIBLE to check the balance on my credit card, and not for lack of trying. I tried at ATMs, I called the AMEX people in Seoul who said they could not provide me with my balance, I had to contact my branch in Seoul.

Redirect

They did helpfully redirect me to a website, which until the present time hasn’t been able to perform this function either. I logged on today and received this message:
We're sorry, your User ID could not be retrieved.

When I log in as a new user, I get this message:
We're currently experiencing technical difficulties. You can also call the 1-800-AXP-1234 for immediate assistance.

I recall the same message back in South Korea some years ago. Yay!

Even more disconcerting is once I returned to SA I paid off my card, and then attempted to cancel it altogether. Another obstacle!

Disconnected

I called a local call centre to discontinue my AMEX card, provided in exhaustive detail all the information (ID number, telephone number, address etc etc).

At the time I was on pay-as-you-go on my cellphone, but I recall that everything that needed to be communicated was. We were at the "Thank you” part of the conversation when my airtime ran out.

The card was never discontinued. I guess the credit card company thought: “Maybe he hung up because he suddenly changed his mind?” Actually, no.

Power to the People

In the Nedbank branch the advertising actually permeates the building. Don’t get me wrong: The advertising works. Remember the ‘Power to the People’ billboards that were equipped with solar panels that really did provide (solar) power to the people?

So I’m in the bank and a bittersweet symphony is lilting in the background, talking about not needing to stand in queues…while a poster shouts colorfully out at me: MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

Except the man in front of me is eventually so exasperated, he leaves the queue and the bank. Ten minutes later a red haired man behind me mutters something and walks off.

For about half an hour we’re all standing behind one individual, and then another employee joins her with a large packet of envelopes and forms. I inform her:

“If you have business with her, even if you are an employee of this bank, I suggest you join the queue. We’ve been waiting here a long time.”

The gist of the woman’s case (who has bottlenecked the queue) was that the bank had called her, claiming that a card had been delivered to this branch.

Trouble

She had gone to the trouble to come to the bank, only to find that no one knew where her card was. Thus an extensive search was underway once I arrived. Once again: disorganisation! terrible customer service!

When I finally stepped up to the enquiries desk, time rapidly running out to a 12:30 appointment, I said: “You know your bank is about ‘Making Things Happen’. You really should. I’ve spent the entire morning in this bank and another bank for very simple service, and it seems like nothing is happening, except bad service.”

She asked how she could be of service at this point. All I required was a printout, which mercifully took one minute, and then I left.

Tip:

A friend of mine who works and banks with Standard Bank says the last time he even entered a branch was over 2 years ago.

He does all his banking online, and says it makes things a lot simpler, better, and it's a lot faster too.

You can too, though the catch is, you have to visit your branch to activate this function, and it may require an additional visit to upgrade to higher functionality (beyond checking your balance).

Good luck, and take my advice: take a book along the next time you visit your local branch. You're going to need oodles of patience.

AdAwards

We’ve all seen movies or even sitcoms where an elaborate drama is set out and while intellectually it’s interesting, you sort of realize (vaguely and retrospectively) that on paper, it probably worked better. Sometimes advertising is the same way.

Rocks

The Renault Clio advertisement, features a hapless scooter rider who is initially ignored by a hot ladies driving in a fleet of Renault Clio's. He gets his own back by posing in a Clio – with good results. He gets noticed, and a smile from an attractive and sophisticated looking lady. Cut to the rear and we see that the innovative cheapskate has sliced out a billboard of the car, and is riding his scooter with the cardboard exterior facing vehicles in the left hand lane.

Here’s an elaborate scheme that works, and we enjoy watching it several times. It’s the sort of clip that would do well as a viral campaign.

Two other excellent but less elaborate executions are the cardies advertisements. The one features a guy playing ping pong, except it turns out he is playing ping pong with himself. Another version shows a trapeze artist dropping his partner at a crucial moment.

One of the reasons these concepts work is because the scene sets up exactly the emotional response appropriate for cardies: how to say sorry (or whatever the case may be).

Huh?

Please don’t shoot me for saying this, but the new BMW M3 ad is exactly the sort of ad that works on paper, but is merely an interesting intellectual exercise when rendered visually.

No doubt the premise works. Set up a James Bond/Spy/Bourne type character in a series of spy-like tests, and then culminate the tests with a drive in the BMW (the ultimate test?). Problem is, I’m not sure if it is clear what this guy is doing, how it fits together and most important: why. Why is he running in a room with a parachute?

The advertisements will probably gain adherents (excuse the pun) based on the the gritty photography. It looks slick, but sorry, it doesn’t work. It’s a bit like a Michael Bay film. It is the perfect example of: Wow! Huh?

Rubbish

Recently I heard a terrible radio spot on 94.7 Highveld FM. It made my blood boil. It basically involves a guy who is being asked to purchase something – electronics I think – and when it comes time to pay, the assistant patronizingly asks if the buyer wants a payment plan, some sort of budget credit facility. The moron answers words to this effect: “No, I’ll pay R30 000 cash.”

The voiceover othat follows claims that a loan from Absa bank will give the lender bargaining power. Really? Seems more like a license to be extravagant. I just think this sort of advertising is so ill-conceived, and so out of touch with reality (yoohoo, are we looking at the financial markets and why they are frothing at the mouth?) that it actually insults one's intelligence.

At the end of the day it’s not that difficult to develop useful concepts to promote a brand. It’s also not something only a handpicked few can do. Almost anyone who has been around enough to consume a product has also experienced the sort of advertising that motivated/influenced them in some way, to regularly undertake various transactions.

So, implicitly, we ought to know what works. But when it comes to ideas, those who dream them up may become precious about them. Creative people have a strong sense of ownership, and this can be an overriding reason why an idea is used.

Sometimes a good idea won’t work as well as an average but more practical idea. Execution is important, obviously. But when it comes to deciding which idea will work best, it is in everyone’s interest to think critically, to at least ponder the possibility of why it might not be as effective once executed.

Click on this post to view the M3 ad.