Earlier this week I attended a course, and during the midday break eagerly left the auditorium and helped myself to coffee, sandwiches and muffins (I'd skipped breakfast so I was ravenous).
Whilst politely standing around making small talk, I was suddenly aware of the most awful stink. It was the sort of smell that can only be caused by human excrement. A quick examination of the floors and no obvious chocolate stain. Then a surreptitious glance to people standing awkwardly within my personal (smelling) space.
After several further sniffs the result was incontrovertible: a definite aroma of human shit! And what's more, the simultaneously realisation that in the unseasonal summer heat, my underwear was a bit damp and clingy. I almost sprinted to the loo at the end of the hall, hoping the infernal whiff that was spewing out of my clothes was being dragged along with me.
In the lavatory I stripped off clothes and did a quick olfactory analysis. Sampling armpits, shirt tails etc? Could I have accidentally stepped on... Except that line of reasoning went nowhere. In the safety and aroma-less security of the lavatory stall I couldn't detect any smell whatsoever?
Are you sure?
Another inspection, this time including stuffing my underwear right up my nostril (until a fragment poked out of my ear).
No, no smell at all, not even a slight sweaty smell. I was smelling as fresh a daisy?
Am I going nuts?
I strolled with great dignity back to along the corridor to wear colleagues were drumming round, and elegantly reached for my cup of coffee, another hand luxuriously reaching for the muffin mountain I quickly built on a small sideplate. I stepped back and began to nod and assimilate myself back into the conversation. Ilze was the IT girl who used to work for Telkom - GASP!!!! There it was again. The most DISGUSTING smell!! I subdued the impulse to flee. I stifled a panic attack, almost coughed coffee into someone's face, and then glanced furtively around. Did no one else pick up the this stomach-vomitting smell??
Once the conference resumed I reacted with deer-in-the-headlights fright to a few possibly not innocent looks (someone sniffing me) by people on either side...
The next day, all was revealed. I wandered into a zone of 'Awful Atmosphere', then tugged on Louise arm and said: "Stand here! DO YOU SMELL THAT?!!!!!"
"Yes, that's the smell from the refrigerators...when the water in them goes off."
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