Broken families are the main driver for this destructive trend
The idea of a hypersexualised youth culture has made headlines in various national newspapers, though the term 'hypersexual' is fairly modern.
Having traveled all over the world, I have discovered this escalating phenomenon firsthand. It may have originated in the USA, but the hypersexualised culture has since rampaged well beyond the borders of that country.
In an article by Bella English, ‘Sex, lies and loose teenagers’ (A New York Times publication), English discusses a startling new book ? Restless Virgins ? and probes the veracity of the steamy scenarios.
English writes: ‘sex runs like a river through the book…’ The book chronicles many sometimes hardcore and extreme trysts involving a group of seven teenagers at the prestigious Milton Academy, where the Kennedy’s and Rockefellers went to school, among others.
English reflects that the book left her with the impression that students at the school spent much of their time either ‘engaging in sex or trying to’.
Indeed it is a disturbing trend, co-author Marissa Miley refers to it as ‘the reality of post feminist sex.’ This does seem to be the sting in the tail at the end of the road that started with equal rights for women. This hypersexed youth culture is based on large populations of young men and boys who feel entitled to have sex, and younger and younger girls who feel empowered by deferring* to these demands.
I am based in South Africa, and it is evident that all over the country, in our neighborhoods, schools and university campuses, young people are engaged in a sexual rampage. These young people are not extreme exceptions; virgins are grossly outnumbered by teenage classmates who have given themselves over to a culture of exhibitionism and hyper sexuality.
As mentioned above, this trend has manifested worldwide, even in ultra conservative South Korea, where it is verboten for young men and women even to speak to each other without prior introduction. While teaching in that country, one of my housemates, an American, was engaged in multiple sexual relationships to the extent that he shared an attractive (and engaged) Korean kindergarten teacher amongst his American friends.
Even in clinically clean Singapore** laws have had to be imposed to guard against a super slip in Asian standards of decency. An example is the infamous embargo on oral sex. In 2004 Chief Justice Yong Pung How sent a 25 year old policemen to jail for a year. His crime? Receiving oral sex from a teenage girl. The judge was quoted as saying: "There are countries where you can go and suck away for all you are worth.” I remember the incident very clearly, as I was in Singapore visiting a girlfriend at the time.
Although Singapore’s stance on permissiveness seems extreme, declaring new laws to control what they describe as increasingly unacceptable behavior demonstrates to what extent the new levels of hypersexuality have spread. Perhaps the most bizarre example is on home soil. South Africa is right now, right in the middle of an Aids pandemic.
These words by now echo with cliche to South Africans, who hear them ad nauseum. What makes the local scenario even more incredible is the recent circus surrounding South Africa’s health minister and deputy health minister.
An alien landing in South Africa, seeing the reckless abandonment and sexual adventures of the locals, could hardly believe this is ground zero for the world’s current Aids holocaust. In 2005 1000 people were dying of Aids every day, and over 5.5 million were infected, the highest statistics by far in the world***.
So exactly what is happening in South Africa? Children are having sex at school. But before parents utter a word of protest, in the same breath it has to be said, children are having sex in their own beds, in their parents homes or in the homes of their friends’ parents. How do I know? I have seen condoms floating in school toilets. I’ve seen pregnant schoolchildren.
Young people have told me about their friends having sex at parties where parents are entirely absent, or present but inebriated, distracted or negligent. This often happens in groups, with children or teenagers watching while their peers get it on. This means that sex is far more casual, with far more partners and far more experimentation, at a much younger age. And teenagers are standing up for their ‘right’ to have sex.
For example, Linda+, a 16 year old was having sex with her boyfriend at home when her brother walked in. He told her parents, who had put her on the pill, and they immediately demanded she break up with her boyfriend. She refused, saying she would rather run away from home. More tantrums led to hysteria. She spent the next week in hospital, on tranquilizers. Fearing the loss of their daughter, Linda’s parents have allowed her to continue to see her boyfriend.
The important question to be asking is not how this happening, but why? Try to watch a the music video of a current hit by 50 Cent and Justin Timberlake called "She Wants It". I was watching it on a big screen television in a public place (a gym). Halfway through two young kids stood beside my table, transfixed, half dancing to the rhythm. It is a very suggestive music video, but compared to what’s out there it’s not unusual.
This is reality: a constant stream of highly sexed images in all media: television, movies, cellphones etc. Perhaps the most hardcore resource for children is the internet, and second, cellphones. Children and teenagers routinely send naked pictures of themselves, and these tend to circulate quickly and easily to all users ‘in the loop’.
I am not certain that the media are to blame for the hypersexualising of our youth. The internet, cellphones and telelvision are enablers, that’s true. More damaging by far, in my opinion, is the dismemberment of the Nuclear Family. Remember that concept? Today it is either very rare, or it doesn’t exist.
A broken family is a prime driver for all those distractions and satisfactions that a hypersexual lifestyle offers. Worse, when parents divorce, and the newly single father and mother embark on their own experimental journeys, these behaviors imprint vividly on their children. In the search, post marriage, for a new suitable partner, the young son or daughter quickly find themselves under the impression that daddy suddenly having several girlfriends (even if perceived only as overheard conversations) is normal.
It would be good if meaningful relationships were perceived as normal. Sadly, this is seldom the case, and meaningless relationships tend to lead to broken lives and the shattering of families. We can begin to repair this chronic situation once we realize and accept it exists in the first place.
*Interesting note: defer refers to postponing. Deferring in this context: to ‘yield’
**http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/02/17/1076779976506.html
*** http://www.avert.org/
+Name changed
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