Calling The Bluff*

I've decided to call a few bluffs. Let's face it, I am still in contact, almost daily, with someone special since coming to Johannesburg. I've only been here a month so I am not sure where to from here (emotionally, relationshipwise etc). And I really haven't had time to think or know what I feel about that.

Does that mean I don't want to meet new people? No. Does it mean I want to be in another relationship ASAP? No. After the MM disaster, I've given this subject a wee bit of thought and come up with the following doctrine:

Most youngish women are just like Leslie, too terrified to say 'No' or find themselves in a position of being FORCED to say 'No'. They tend to want to avoid any kind of communication or build up of communication (since they have already decided/prejudged the situation and reckoned at the end of the day the answer will be: 'No'.) and so they don't want to feel that they have to (continue to) pretend to (be nice and) like you when really, they're pretty sure they don't.

So maybe you're a guy like me and you're looking for some company now and then (since your buddy is married and sometimes obligated to do all the chores that go along with that) and now that you're in the new city some new companions might be a nice change: preferably female but not necessarily (going with a guy to a movie though is so gay, ditto restaurants etc), to have someone to take to coffee, or lunch, or visit the mall, or watch a movie - I suppose to share in those ordinary day to day things that people do ...

- Like this weekend, visit the Soweto Wine Festival - except by the simple act of speaking to a person that is female you have GASP declared a possible interest (which might lead to a question whose answer might be: NO!)...

Now while in my mind I'd be thinking: gee, all these great opportunities going by when one could be going out and having fun with another person, except the female of the species is thinking: Oh my God, I can't believe that guy I hardly know spoke to me. He called yesterday. If he calls me again today I am going to freak out. Thus you prove yourself to be a real, quality, genuine guy by making sure you NEVER communicate sooner, rather later, and preferably NEVER.

And then girls complain: why didn't he call? Because when we do, and they're confused by the interest in them, it's labelled: freaky or eerie. Who wants that?

Of course it's all upside down when they meet someone they really like and then feel: I hope he calls. Huh? Why should he? How is a guy supposed to differentiate between pretend 'nice' and real 'nice'? Through an incredibly developed sense of smell perhaps?

So in my case, I called...what's her name...Charlene...who was very friendly etc etc and to her credit, made good on her promise to invite me somewhere. Unfortunately it was fairly last minute and I didn't know where the club was and I was tired so I made my excuses. When I called to politely ask how the evening was - how it was in my absence - this was interpreted (I imagine) as violating the unwritten code of "Never Communicate with a women who is scared-because-she-doesn't-know-you." I'm not really sure because the single call (I left a message) and then follow up sms (just one) received no response. After the required week and a half of zero communication, she emailed me on a Friday to say that her and her friend wanted to get together for drinks.

I called her bluff, and simply said: "That would be nice," without suggesting any arrangements. I especially didn't mention doing anything over the weekend (as would have been reasonable to do, having been contacted on Friday). Now another week or so can slip by as I reinforce my status as: too busy to think about you much, thus a balanced male individual.

The same 'Bluff' setup has arisen with the Standard Bank girl I met in Sandton City on Saturday. She gave me her business card after a fairly random though apparently serenditpitous meeting (see that movie?) I emailed her on Monday to basically say: "Hi." Despite her rooftop friendliness, she is definitely in the zone of: Oh my God, that guy I spoke to has emailed me now. What now???????

Calling the Bluff is basically recognising girls and women for the way they are: irrational. They spend a lot of time dressing and making themselves up to attract attention, and yet once they've succeeded, they become paralysed. On first meeting/encountering they'll be friendly but just too insecure (too much like pushovers) to say no when you ask for their number, or suggest doing something. When it comes down to it, the bluff is exposed. What to do then? Bluff back.

Ignore their communications after the fews weeks of 'Safety Time' has passed since your last communication to them (which suggests you do have a life and other interests besides obsessing about them). Of course, chances are, by the time they find the balls to say, "Oh, with regards to your email: hi." You will have moved on.

Keep moving guys, and never look back. If a girl has confidence - and there aren't many who do - this charade, this pretence, this exercise in futility won't be necessary. And when you hear her say: "Why didn't you call?" just laugh. and turn up the rugby.

*bluff :

(blf)
v. bluffed, bluff·ing, bluffs
v.tr.
1. To mislead or deceive.
2. To impress, deter, or intimidate by a false display of confidence.
3. Games To try to mislead (opponents) in a card game by heavy betting on a poor hand or by little or no betting on a good one.
v.intr.
To engage in a false display of strength or confidence.
n.
1. The act or practice of bluffing.
2. One that bluffs.